You Ain't Santa

Nate and Ryan were standing at the table looking at Ms. Belton.  Nathan put his elbows on the table and put his fists under his chin and stared at her.  "Ms. Belton, what do you really look like?  You're wearing a wig just like Viola Swamp in the stories.  Aren't you?"

Ms. Belton started to laugh.  She took off the glasses and the black wig and her auburn hair tumbled out.  She pulled off the fake eye lashes and the wart that was on her nose.  I was amazed at the difference.  Ryan went and touched her face, "Ms. Ginger, you're really pretty.  Why did you dress like it was Halloween?"

She put her arms around the boys.  "Guys, I have found that if I act like Viola Swamp people won't lie to me as much as if I'm myself.  I usually wear the make up and outfit when I go to a new place for the first time."

Nate interrupted, "Ms. Belton, Brandon said that you had six sons and five thousand grandkids is that true?"

Ms. Belton started to laugh, "Brandon lies.  We do have six sons and they're all married except Will who is still in college.  He's the same age as Brandon.  We do have ten grandchildren so far.  Brandon is just jealous because he only has one niece.  You two guys need to get to bed.  I need to talk to your Dads about something and it isn't about you.  I'll stop by and see you after the holidays.  Now get your bodies up the stairs."

The two boys hugged the three of us and disappeared.

Ginger looked at Dan and me, "Guys, would you please visit with our youngest son.  My husband and I both recognize that he is probably gay.  Is there anyway that you could talk to him and convince him that he should talk to my husband and me?"

I was confused by the request, "Mrs. Belton, why would he come to talk to us?  We don't know him, and he doesn't know us."

She wasn't to be deterred, "No, but you obviously made an impact on my nephew, Brandon.  He and Will have been inseparable since they were little.  They are only a day apart in age."

Mrs. Belton stood, "Guys, I really need to go or my husband will think I've left home.  Take care of the two boys.  They are lucky young men to have found someone like you two to take care of them.  If I were twenty years younger, I would gladly take either or both of them.  There is more to their story that we need to learn and I will share it with you when I am able to decipher what happened to cause them to be placed in that home in Bentley.  I think you might want to think about hiring a lawyer to take care of their interests."

After Mrs. Belton had departed, Dan looked at me, "Kirk, what kind of mess are we getting into?"

I hugged Dan, "Danny, I don't know, but we need to make the two boys feel secure.  You haven't met the other young people that I have today, or you would realize that we are going to need to change our entire lifestyle."

"Sit your butt down on the sofa so I can tell what all happened today.  I'll get us a beer and join you as soon I get the Christmas decorations for the boys.  I promised I would get them after Mrs. Belton left."

I was lying with my head on Dan's lap telling him know what had happened throughout the day.  He said nothing, but all of a sudden started to laugh, "Well Mr. Mom and Mr. Dad you've gotten us in a pickle this time.  Not only are we going to be Dads for the first time, but now we're going to be sex counselors.  Are you sure we're ready for these two vocations?"

I looked up at him, "It's not the new vocations I'm worried about.  It's what these changes might do to our relationship."

Dan patted my head, "Kirk, they will probably make our relationship stronger, because it is going to take both of us to rear the boys correctly.  We're going to be like the blind leading the blind in these endeavors.  Now let's go to bed.  I, for one, am exhausted."

We were both exhausted and there was so much to talk about but it was going to need to wait.  Dan did need to work tomorrow and so did I.  Why did I ever take this Santa job?  I don't have time for it.

When Dan got up at five, I got up with him and went and made him some coffee and a bagel.  I had put on a robe and was reading the morning paper when he appeared accompanied by Ryan.

I looked at Ryan, "Why are you up, little one.  You should be in bed fast asleep or you're going to be a grouch all day."

Ryan frowned, "Daddy Santa, please stop calling me little one.  I had to go to the bath room and I heard Daddy Doctor taking his shower so I went to talk to him.  His penis is as big or bigger than yours."

Dan looked at me and I decided to let that comment pass and not respond.  I looked at Ryan, "Son, why don't you go get in our bed and I'll come join you as soon as Daddy Dan goes to work.  That way we won't wake your brother."

After Ryan left, Dan looked at me, "I think we're in for more than we bargained for.  Ryan seems so innocent.  We need to be extremely careful with the two boys.  I should probably arrange for them to have a physical."

After Dan left, I went back to get another hour or so of sleep since it wasn't even six o'clock yet.  Ryan was hogging the bed.  I had to move his sleeping form to crawl into bed.  I kept the robe on thinking that would keep my body parts under wraps.  I think I had just fallen asleep when I was accosted, "Dad, why is Ryan sleeping with you?  Where is Dad Doctor?"

"Nate, just get in bed and let's get another hour of sleep.  Dad Doctor had to go to work and Ryan was awake and we didn't want to wake you."

This was a new sensation.  I had a body behind pushing against my back and one pushing against my stomach.  I finally gave up trying to go back to sleep and went to the boys bathroom to take my shower.  My mind must have been still in a fog because I didn't take my clean briefs with me.

When I got back to Dan's and my bedroom, Nate was sitting up stretching, "Wow, Ryan was right.  You do have a big cock and balls."

I was about to admonish Nate but Ryan sat up, "Daddy Santa wants us to call them by their proper names.  You should have said, 'Wow, you have a big penis and testicles.'  We need to compare to see which of our new Dads has the biggest penis and testicles.  I saw Daddy Doctor this morning and he's big too."

After I had my briefs on, I sat down on the bed.  "Guys, please never talk about our penises and testicles in front of anyone, or you won't be able to live with us and that would break our hearts.  We don't care what you say when it's just us, but there are too many people around that would take you away from us and we could even go to jail if they heard you talk like that."

Nate looked at me, "Daddy Santa, I don't understand.  If Ms. Belton didn't take us away, why would anyone else even care?"

"Son, believe me that there are people in this world who can not understand how your other Dad and I can love each other.   Please trust me on that.  It might also be good if you two guys don't refer to me as Santa Dad.  People might think that something wasn't right.  Maybe you could refer to us as Dad Kirk and Dad Dan so we would know whom you are speaking to."

Ryan leaned against me, "Daddy, we'll do whatever you want if you will let us live with you, but can we please go get something to eat?  I'm hungry."

I quickly finished dressing.  "Come on guys, your clothes are still in the dryer.  We need to get you some more clothes, so we don't have to do the laundry all the time.  We'll put your pajamas in the washing machine so they're clean for when Santa comes tonight."

Nate put his hands on his hips, "Dad, what do you mean?  Santa's already here."

"Guys, just get dressed while I fix breakfast."

We had just finished the dishes when the doorbell rang.  I looked at the clock and it read 8:45.  Who can that be at this time of day?

Nate went to answer it, "Dad, it's Josh and his brothers."

Josh was followed into kitchen by two boys and they did indeed look to be about the same ages as Ryan and Nate.  Josh started the introductions.  "Guys, this is Dr. Richter and his two sons, Nate and Ryan.  These are my two brothers, …"

I didn't give him a chance to finish, "Let me guess.  I pointed to the older of the two boys, "You're Dasher and he's Prancer, right?"

The older of the two boys was laughing, "You're wrong, Sir.  His name is Rudolf and I'm Frosty."

Ryan looked at Josh, "He's lying, isn't he?"

Josh looked at boys.  "Guys, Justin is eight the same as Nate and  Jordan is six.  Dr. Richter, we're a little early because my parents wanted to get an early start. I hope you don't mind."

"Actually, I don't mind at all.  In fact, it will give me some time to run some errands before I go to work. Josh, there should be lots of food since we went to the store after we dropped you off yesterday.  Perhaps you could help the guys start to decorate the tree we got.  I put the container with decorations in the living room."

Josh winked, "Cool.  That will give us something to do.  I'll call you, Dr. Richter, if there is a problem.  I still have your cell phone number."

I knew that I had been dismissed, so I decided to make my exit.

I decided to go to the Target store and get the boys some more clothes so we wouldn't have to be doing laundry so often.  The sizes that I bought the other night were fine, so I decided to get some more of the same sizes. I looked around the toy department and really hadn't a clue as to what they might like but I figured I could return the items if they didn't like them. 

As I was starting toward the checkout area, I passed the sporting goods section.  My eyes were drawn to the bicycle display.  I examined them and decided that we should get the boys each a bicycle and a helmet for Christmas.  Since I didn't know if the boys knew how to ride a bike, I decided to get training wheels.

The young man who was helping me asked, "Sir, would you like me to help you to your truck with the bikes."

Dumb me, I never even thought about how I was going to get them home.  "Can I pay for them now and come back and pick them up after I get off of work at two o'clock?"

The young man cut off the bar codes, "I'll take the bikes to the loading area in the back.  Just ring the buzzer and the person on duty will help you put them in your truck.  Now if you will give me your name I'll label them.  Make sure you bring your receipt from the check out when you come to pick them up."

I left the store considerably poorer than when I arrived.  I got to the mall and the mall manager, Mr. Larsen, was waiting for me, "Mr. Richter, is there any way that you could stay a little later than two today.  The other Santa has a problem and can't be here until three o'clock.  Please sir, it is important that the children have the opportunity to make their last minute requests."

"Mr. Larsen, I'll do it, but I need to call the young man who is taking care of our sons and tell him that I am going to be late.  I'll call him and then I'll get dressed."

I pulled out my cell phone and called the house, "This is Nate Richter speaking, how may I help you?"

"Nathan, this is your Dad.  May I please speak with Josh?":

I heard Nate yelling, "Josh, Santa Dad wants to talk to you."

"This is Josh."

"Josh, I'm going to be working late.  Is that a problem?"

"Dr. Richter, that's not a problem.  I've called in the reinforcements since there weren't any ornaments and garland in the box that was in the living room.  Will and Brandon are going to be taking us to get what we need do you have a problem with that?"

"We could walk to the Super Target but we might not be able to carry everything."

"Josh, who are Will and Brandon?  I'm not sure I feel comfortable with them being around."

"But Dr. Richter, you already know Brandon.  He brought your tree according to the your sons.  You know Will's Mother, Aunt Ginger.  They're our cousins and know that they would be in big trouble if anything happened.  So chill out."

I looked at the phone, "Okay Mr. Chill, may I please speak to Brandon if he's not busy?"

Brandon came on, "This is Brandon."

"Brandon, I'm sorry to impose, but do you suppose that you could be available to pick up the guys big gift when I get home about three thirty?"

Brandon started to laugh, "I can be available to help, Doc, but it will cost you that A.  Will will demand an A, too.  We'll be ready to roll when you get here.  Gotta go, we have places to go and things to do.  We'll see you about three thirty."

The phone went dead and I thought, 'The world's gone whacko.  I've lost control.'

The world was whacko.  When I got to the Santa kiosk, there was a line of children waiting to talk to Santa.  I had been visiting with children for two solid hours.  The elf whispered to me. "Tell me when you need a bathroom break.  I need one and I'd like to get something to eat.  I'm starved."

"I looked at the young guy, why don't you go get us something to eat after you go to the bathroom.  I'll pay you later, since my wallet is in the dressing area."

I was able to eat a few bites of my sandwich and was never so glad to see my replacement walk over to tell the elf that he needed to put up the 'Santa Will Be Back In Ten Minutes sign.'

Elf John and I walked to the changing area and I paid him for my sandwich.  My replacement came out of the dressing room.  "Thanks for filling in for me today.  Our youngest son had an emergency appendectomy at Emmanuel Hospital.  The Doctor who took care of him said you were a complete wuss.  He said to tell you that you needed to get home and take care of the sons."

Elf John was standing there laughing.  "Yeah, Dr. Richter, get home and take care of your sons."

I looked at John, "John, how did you know that I was a Dr.?  I have never even talked to you much."

John smirked, "I'm a good listener and besides, I'm scheduled to take your class next semester.  I may change my mind now that I now you are a wuss.  What happened to that young boy that smelled so bad  the other day?"

"Well if you must know, he and his brother are at the condo supposedly decorating a Christmas tree.  Now if you gentlemen will excuse me, I have a bunch of things I need to do."

As I was walking to my car, my mind was running on high octane jet fuel, 'How come everyone knows about me and Dan?'

When I pulled into the driveway at the condo, I looked and there were two vehicles parked at the side.  I recognized Brandon's truck but not the other car.  When I walked into the house, two young boys practically mugged me.  Ryan was so excited, "Daddy, come see how great the tree looks."

Ryan and Jordan were practically dragging me toward the living room.  When Nate saw me, he smiled, "Dad, don't you think we did a good job with Will, Brandon and Josh's help.  They took us to get some cranberries and candy canes and we made our own decorations.  Didn't Ryan and Jordan do a great job designing a star for the top of the tree?"

The tree was unique, "Guys, it is a special tree.  Who paid for all of the new things and how much do I owe that person?"

Josh answered, "Santa paid for them and the bill is on the counter in the kitchen.  The guys told me you would throw a fit if I tried to pay for them.  Next time I take care of the boys, do you suppose you could leave your credit card so I can go wild?"

I was overwhelmed, "Guys, I am overwhelmed.  This is even better than if I hadn't forgotten to pull the container with the ornaments because it is your tree.  It's beautiful. I need to take Josh, Justin and Jordan home so their parents don't think we kidnapped them.  Brandon and Will, why don't you take Ryan and Nate to the Target store so they can buy their other Dad a present?   I'll meet you there after I deliver the three guys."

I handed Ryan and Nate each twenty dollars and left with the three Macklin boys.  When I left them out, I handed Josh $100.00.  He started to object but I stopped him, "Look, kid, I'm older than you, so what I say goes.  You guys have a Merry Christmas.  I'll be anxious to hear what Santa gives you for Christmas.  I bet it's a bucket of coal."

Justin looked at me, "Yeah right, Dr., Santa is saving all of his coal for your house."

I turned around and looked at the guys, "Why is everyone picking on me?"

Jordan looked at me and he was dead serious, "Because your two sons said that you wouldn't care.  Most big people would start yelling but you just talk to us.  Dr. Richter can we come to your house again?  We had a real good time.  Is Ryan going to be in my class at school?"

Josh pulled the guys away. " Dr. Richter needs to go meet the other people at Target.  Merry Christmas, Daddy Santa."

Editor's Notes:

I love how good things always seem to happen to good people in these stories. Yes I know that some bad things happen too, but hey life is like that sometimes, and what kind of story would you have if everything went perfectly for everyone from the very beginning? I love the way that E Walk always finds the best in people. The people in his stories are very real. They are not just two dimensional and cardboard.  I can hardly wait to find out what happens next.

Darryl AKA The Radio Rancher