A Day In The Life Of An Inanimate Object: Being Close to Him

Disclaimer:

 This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental, and no harm or slanderous intent is implied or intended. Midsomer Murders is theCopyright © British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC). No profit is being made from these inclusions. 

I know only all too well that I'm an inanimate object, I'm more than aware of that. Residing for most of his working day in the inside pocket of his suit coat I not only feel the warmth from his body, but I feel like his heartbeat is shared with me, only me. I belong to Dan Scott, I should say that's Detective Sargent Dan Scott, assigned to Chief Inspector Tom Barnaby. He's a really good looking man, tall and lean, but tightly muscled. From the moment Dan arrived in Midsomer he has been involved in one murder after another and I am his identification folder. He has his Courston CID identification on one side of me and the opposite side of me holds his badge.

From day one women have been trying to get my man into bed, but neither Cully, Barnaby's daughter, or any of the several dozens of others have succeeded. When Dan is alone, after his grueling days, he returns to his rented rooms, he places me on his nightstand where I get to enjoy the sight of him pleasuring himself after removing the rest of his clothes. After his climax, which I have been splashed by a few times, YUM, he usually showers and re-dresses, either eating some take-out, or going down to the local pub on the corner, but he always comes home to me, where I watch over him as he sleeps.

Dan and Barnaby seem to work well together, but they are not buddies and Dan doesn't always agree with his boss, but he always does end up learning something from him. Dan comes from London and sometimes has a bit of a chip on his shoulder, but Barnaby's low key insightful investigations seem to be impressing Dan the more cases they have, he is starting to mellow a bit.

No one seems to realize how violent are some of the hidden depths of the inhabitants of this portion of England is, except for the murder investigators themselves. One such case was pretty easy for the dynamic duo to wrap up. I mean the poor dead woman was on the ground with a bullet hole in her head and her teenage stepson was standing over her with a gun in his hand when Dan and Barnaby arrived on the scene. Dan was crestfallen as he had liked the eighteen-year-old from the moment they had met downstairs at the corner pub he ate at a couple of nights a week. The pub was owned by a local man, the lad's father and the father and his second wife ran it together, with help from the teen, Dennis, who went by Dee.

The father and his second wife used Dee like a servant, waiting tables, bar keeping, cleaning up, and filling in cooking in the kitchen. To his credit Dee was a conscientious worker, always kind and caring for the patrons of the pub. From their first meeting, Dan and Dee hit it off right away, laughing and joking as Dee took Dan's dinner order and delivered a few pints during the meal. Neither one was comfortable in their own sexuality, so from the beginning, it was the friendship that drew them together. Dan began to stop at the pub right after work, no matter what time that was, as there is no set schedule during a murder investigation. The two young men got even more friendly and Dee began to tell Dan about his life, how he missed his mom still even ten years after her death from cancer and how he disliked his stepmother, but never did Dan think that Dee disliked her enough to kill her.

So when Barnaby and he were having an after-work pint downstairs and heard a gunshot from the upstairs living quarters of the pub they rushed up the stairs, followed by Dee's father to see Dee standing with the gun over his stepmother. Dee appeared to be in shock, but Dan immediately put his young friend in a shoulder hold and eased the gun out of his hand, letting Barnaby place it in an evidence bag directly from Dee's hand.  Dan was taking an initial statement from Dee who told him he had heard a shot and had come from his room at the end of the short hall to see Brenda laying there with the hole in her head. The gun in his hand was his, and it hadn't been fired, as Barnaby agreed to when he was able to examine the revolver in the clear evidence bag, all chambers of the gun had a bullet in them.

A quick search of the surrounding hall and a quick look in the rooms off it didn't reveal another weapon. As Barnaby was giving his statement to the investigative team that had quickly arrived from headquarters, he noticed that the window at the end of the hall, where Brenda lay, was open, and there was a small hole in the window shade covering it. It wasn't a double hung window, it was a crank out casement window, and the small hole was just about three-quarters of the way up the window shade. He pointed that out to the evidence collecting team and the window shade was removed for the lab to examine it.

The next day reports from the labs began to come in to the office Barnaby and Scott shared and it was determined that there had been no gunshot residue on Dee's hands, the gun he had in his hand was not the same caliber as the bullet removed from Brenda's head, and that the hole in the window shade was indeed the correct size hole for the bullet removed from the victim and was at the correct position to have facilitated a direct shot through the shade and in a straight line into Brenda's head as she passed the window.

Returning to the pub with Dr. Bullard, the medical examiner, they discovered the pub closed and a black wreath on the door. They knocked and soon Dee answered, teary-eyed and welcomed the three gentlemen inside and then closed and re-locked the door. Dan for once let his guard down and again hugged the younger man around the shoulders, but definitely not in a restraining way, but to give comfort to Dee. Dee explained his father had gotten drunk last night and after the pub had closed he had accused Dee of shooting Brenda, and so far this morning his father was not talking to him.

Barnaby asked where his father currently was and Dee directed him and Dr. Bullard to the second floor and the family kitchen, to the right in the hallway from where they had all been last night. Dan guided Dee to a table and the two sat next to each other as Dan informed his younger friend that all the evidence gathered indicated that Dee was not the shooter of his stepmother, and Dan would like Dee to take him upstairs to the window at the end of the hall where Brenda had been shot. While the two young men were doing this Barnaby and Bullard were confronting Dee's father in the family kitchen.

They both showed the results of the lab reports to him, proving that his son couldn't have been the shooter. After the father saw reason, Dr. Bullard and Barnaby went to where the young men were and they all together tried to see where the fatal gunshot could have come from. There were no buildings directly behind the pub building, but they all saw that a second-floor porch was right outside the window with a staircase leading to the service entry of the pub on the first level. Dee explained that a door from his parents' bedroom, and a door from the family kitchen, were the only accesses to the porch other than the outside staircase.

After Dr. Bullard left to return to his lab. Barnaby and Dan Scott walked around back to see if there were any signs of someone being outside that window the previous night. There outside the still open window were smudges on the porch floorboards, and Barnaby motioned for Scott to get on his knees and collect samples of what was smudged there. Grudgingly, but knowing it had to be done, Dan Scott gon down on one knee and began to use his penknife to scrape up what was smudged under the window, but as he placed the scrapings into an evidence bag he turned up to Barnaby and told him he recognized the smell of the scrapings, they were mashed potatoes. Dee told the two of them that that was what was supposed to be part of last nights special down in the pub, Bangers and Mashed (sausages and mashed potatoes). On their way back downstairs they stopped at the family kitchen where Dee's father still sat, with a bottle of scotch in front of him. Dan pointed out to Barnaby the sole of the man's right shoe, which wasn't flat on the kitchen floor and both men proceeded to arrest the man for the murder of his wife. Dee was very upset that his father had tried to make him feel guilty for something he himself had done. Dan told him to hang in there, in the apartment, and he would come back as soon as they had his father locked up, as he was too drunk to take a statement from today.

An hour and a half later Dan was off duty and rushed back to the pub to be with his friend Dee, but soon decided that he should take Dee to his own rooms to get him away from the “scene of the crime”. He followed most of his routine upon returning home from work, placing me on his night stand, and preparing to shower, but not jerking off. Dee sat on the edge of the bed and watched Dan disrobe and his eyes followed Dan's every move, his eyes growing huge as he caught glimpses of Dan's big cock. Before Dan even got to the bathroom door Dee had walked over to him and told him he needed another hug.

I was so excited to be witness to the two embracing and Dan's large stiffie growing as they hugged and Dee finally getting the nerve to grasp it for the first time which started the awkward, but oh so satisfying first coupling of these two handsome humans.

For some unknown reason, there were no murders or suspicious dead bodies that turned up in Midsomer that weekend and Dee and Dan had an uninterrupted weekend to explore and satisfy each other numerous times and by Sunday afternoon Dee's father was declared fit enough to be questioned formally and a statement officially taken from him. Sober he confessed to killing his wife and trying to get his own son to take the blame. The distillery that actually owned the pub asked Dee to take over the operation and he and Dan discussed that thoroughly, while working the pub together whenever Dan had time to help out, or together in bed at Dan's, or while sharing a meal in the pub when Dan was off shift for the day, and eventually they decided that since it was a family pub, it would be nice to include ALL  families. So after Dan had worked out his notice with the Courston police department, they married and renamed the business; The DanDee Pub and moved in together in the upstairs apartment over the pub.

I was given a place of honor in their bedroom. I was framed and hung on a wall over the head of their bed. I just wish the frame had recording capabilities, my memory isn't as good as it used to be.

THE END

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