Don't Screw With My Family

I looked out the back window and there looking back at me were my nine rose bushes in full bloom. I gasped at their beauty and my heart filled with love for Justin, the man who bought them for me. He planted a few for me every Valentine’s day.

 We had met on that day and had our commitment ceremony in front of friends and family in my backyard a year later. My grandfather had left me the keys to this big old house and the Foundation to run as I saw fit. Every anniversary Juss planted a yellow rose bush and now as I sip my early evening coffee, I look at the garden bed and my stomach turns into knots. There won’t be anymore because Juss has left me, nine years of pure bliss with the man I loved. Now it's all over and it was destroyed in a split second.

I lingered as long as I could, before the dusk changed the sky and the garden lighting slowly shimmered into life. I had to shower and dress, but all the preparations had been done and all I had to do was make a speech. The foundation was in good hands and I would never let my grandfather down, or myself for that matter.

My son Daniel arrived to make sure I was okay to go, just as I was putting the finishing touches to my hair. My dinner suit was hanging on the wardrobe door, ready for me to slip into once again.

"Do you need anything dad?"

"No son, just a big hug, that's all I want from you tonight." He held me close and put his strong arms around my small frame then hugged me for ages.

"Thank you so much son, I feel a little better now."

He drove on ahead as I wanted to take my car. Being a student Daniel would have an after party to attend, or a club to visit after he does his family duty tonight. His job tonight was to escort his dad into the ballroom and sit with him at the main table. On the way I was reflecting on the past six months of my life, they had been full of heartbreak and loneliness as I adjusted to my now single life.

________________________________________________________

The Past:

It was six months ago I was driving to the very same charity night with Justin and he looked so handsome in his black suit. His hand was resting on mine but his mind was on something else. It has been now for a month or so but I can’t work out why he was having these mood swings. One minute he was totally with me in the zone, and the next he was elsewhere. Somewhere foreign to me, somewhere I didn’t know about and wasn’t invited to share with him. His smile dazzled me just before he kissed my lips and wished me a successful night and a best of luck with my half yearly speech and update.

 I was greeted by the cream of Melbourne society who were all here and paying a hefty price for a table as a donation to my family's foundation. We were introduced to new money and reunited with old money, as we were escorted to our table. I was the president of the foundation, and Justin’s law firm looked after our accounts and legal matters. His offices were not in the same building but just around the corner.

Our beautiful son Daniel was already seated with Cal his latest boyfriend; a very nice looking kid he had met at university, and

after the introductions we settled in for a long night of speeches, entertainment, dancing and food. The ladies sparkled and the gents all wore dinner suits; it’s another high class affair.

Justin was very edgy and kept looking around as though he was waiting for someone. I asked him several times what was happening but he only said that everything was okay.

I knew everything wasn't okay, and it was confirmed when his eyes stopped looking at every one and were firmly fixed on one person. A very good looking young man sitting at Justin’s work table. I was a bit unnerved and couldn’t understand why he was staring at the boy. I was then called to the podium to make my speech and Justin patted my behind as I walked past him. At the podium I pulled out a large sheet of paper then smiled and put it back into my pocket.

"Sorry ladies and gentlemen I must have left my speech at home, that was my son’s phone bill." That got a laugh right from the start. I was watching Justin as I cleared my throat and began my talk.

After a ten-minute update from the president, I was applauded then I went to sit with my beautiful husband and son.

I looked across to the other table and the boy was staring at Juss. It was at that very moment my stomach tightened then dropped and I knew instantly I had lost him. Not within minutes but within seconds. It all added up and I was drained of any emotion as I forced myself to talk to five hundred wonderful people who kept my grandfather’s and my foundation alive. After dinner and some light entertainment, the party was in full swing. People had loosened up their ties and lost their jackets, furs and wraps were discarded and the dancing began.

Juss went to sit at his firm’s table and was being very animated with the young guy, so much so, I half expected them to have a fuck on the table. It was an excruciating next two hours as I had to sit through some very boring conversations by myself. Juss had disappeared for some time with the young guy and when he came back and sat with us, it was nearly time to go home anyway, thank god.

"Who's the new guy babe?"

"Paul, a new intern and he's a great guy, got a beautiful sense of humour. I was just talking to him out on the balcony about his aspirations."

"And he makes you laugh does he?"

"He sure does."

"What else does he do for you Juss?" I looked him in the eye. He went silent.

He knows I don't miss a trick. I can read people like a good novel and he also knows I don't put up with lies and fakery, especially from family.

When we finally arrived home after a silent drive, he poured two glasses of wine and we sat on the back porch just taking in the moonlight. We didn't make love and we didn't exchange our usual good nights as we drifted off to sleep. I'm sure he was certain that I had guessed something was up.

In the sober light of dawn, I could see things more clearly. He has gone off me and needs to move on, but everything we did together I will hold close to my heart forever. Our large property portfolio we had built up together, will be sold or divided into two. I could try and buy him out and I know, I'm getting ahead of myself. But I also know he had fallen out of love with me and I wasn’t going to beg for his undivided attention, begging wasn’t a part of my makeup. I also expected our long term relationship would see us through any dark times, but I was wrong about that.

I didn't get angry and I didn't make plans to find a new lover right away either. I wallowed in our lost love, I and my family destroyed. We went about our duties for the next three weeks and sometimes it felt like we were only meeting as we passed in the night. I was making myself sick with worry, then worry was replaced with sheer grief. Dread was my friend at the moment, and I dreaded everything.

The horrid day came when he had to tell me. I didn't want him to confirm what I already knew and it was one of the most awful conversations I have ever had with anyone.

"His name’s Paul, he works in my office as an intern and we get along really well."

"Does he want you to move in with him?"

"No, he hasn’t asked. We are only in the early stages David, and I regret not having told you earlier."

"Well I wish you all the best Juss, I really do."

"So you’re not going to say anything?"

"No, there’s nothing I can say that will make you stay here with me, and I certainly am not going to beg you to reconsider. I am not your father; I don't make your life decisions for you. I am hurt and disappointed, but that’s life Juss and I mean it, all the best my friend." He looked stunned.

"I should be getting off to work, busy day and all that. I really meant what I said Juss, from the bottom of my heart, all the best." I then rinsed my coffee cup and after a long hug I left for work. He was left standing there stunned. I didn't know what he did when I left. In the course of my duties at the foundation, I found out he didn't go into work that day, but Paul was there. He didn’t come home that night either but our son had called me and said Juss and taken over his spare bedroom at his condo.

I cried myself to sleep several times over the next weeks, then I was done with it. I couldn’t cry every time I smelt his scents in the house, every time I looked at my beautiful roses, and every time I had to talk business with him.  I was done crying and feeling sad. At the foundation I was like a robot, getting everything done I had to do for the day. I couldn’t leave any loose ends, lives depended on me to do the right thing. I had my secretary divert Justin’s business calls to my office manager, who then came to me.

When I had to deal with him or one of his offsiders, I always made sure there was someone else in the room with us at all times. I didn’t want to know about how happy he was, or what he bought for Paul as a gift. I just didn’t want to know about happy families because I had one of them once, and he destroyed it.

I am not going to fight him on this. I had passed him a folder with personal written on it one day. I had divided the properties up as fairly as possible between the two of us and written on a note, 'Get it done soon, I want to move on too.' You would have thought I had hit him with a baseball bat, his face was ashen and he looked half dead. I wasn’t going to be that bitch that ranted and raved over everything. I wouldn’t help him with relationship advise, but I wanted to close my front door and sit by myself, for a year or two. Not hoping Juss would come home to me, rather just wanting to be on my own.

If he wants to come home he has to mean it, he has to come and stand by my side and stay forever, no turning back. He has the perfect opportunity now to opt out of our relationship for good, and with very little fuss. But I didn’t hear from him about the properties, and I didn’t hear any gossip about his new lover either. I mused once that my staff had kept all that gossip to themselves, maybe out of respect for me.

We were together for many years but as I clipped the dead flowers from my rose bushes, I seemed forced to think of much happier days, but that never lasts long. After a half hour pity party, I shut it down. No more, I pleaded with my inner person, no more.

"How's your father son?" I was picking him up from uni to go get lunch.

'He's not too good dad, he’s lost weight and mopes around the apartment all the time."

"I thought his move was all about his happiness, hasn’t he been dating Paul? I thought with your father’s libido, they for sure would be doing the nasty dance every night."

"Oh, I don't think so dad, well nothing’s happening at the condo. I told him I won’t have it, and anyway he doesn’t see him anymore, I think."

I looked across at my beautiful son and smiled.

"To be honest dad I don’t think anything has really happened with them. Infatuation yes maybe, love I don’t think so, he's so still in love with you, he just needs a good kick up the bum dad." I thought about it and in my own way I felt sorry for Juss. He’s a great catch so if this hasn’t turned out okay for him, maybe the next one will, but it hasn’t worked well for him in the past.

My son then laughed and told me what he had heard from one of Justin's work mates.

"He doesn’t want dad, he just wanted to get ahead in the company and was prepared to do anything to get there. I think he's been cock teasing him, leading him on with the promise of sex dad. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Apparently he suddenly quit work and disappeared a month ago. Dad thinks he took off for the US, did you know that?"

"Well he couldn’t have set his ambition any higher Dan. I hope your father s not too hurt. I feel sorry for the kid having to move so far away though."

"He had to go dad, uncle George told me everyone was rooting for you two to get back together, no one liked Paul, he was too superficial, but they love you dad. You have some powerful allies over at pop's law firm."

"So is your father dating anyone else?"

"No dad, he's extremely remorseful and probably feeling pretty stupid. He isn’t in a good space and he wants to talk about you all the time. I just don't know what to do anymore, can’t you help him?

"I'm sorry baby, at the moment I'm concentrating on myself. If he needs to come over and talk then tell him it’s fine with me." And I was fine with that.

"You would consider taking him back after all he’s done?"

I looked my son in the eyes and said,

"I would take him back in a heart beat son. I have always been deeply in love with your father. He's where my heart lies, he's your father, he's our family and I know deep down he still loves me. I can try somehow to put it behind me and continue our journey together but I fear your father can't, or won’t. I won’t encourage him because I don’t want him to go through this again. I need him to come back because he loves me, and I need to be certain it won’t happen again.

I know that we all make mistakes and wrong decisions, spur of the moment shit like that. But they are just things that come and go in our lives, and make us go a bit crazy for awhile. They don't break the fabric of the deep, true love we have for each other. It was a bad decision, a headache that only he can cure."

It has been five months since Justin left and from what Daniel is telling me, he's just a dark shell. He goes to work, maybe the theatre once in a while and sleeps alone. I desperately wanted to ring him but alas I put it aside, I don’t want him to know how needy I am.

"He's so full of shame and guilt, he can't even look me in the eye anymore."

"I know son, it's very hard for him, we have another charity night this Saturday and I am hoping he will be there, I can't do it on my own, and for appearances sake he should be there."

"He said he might go dad."

"Well tell him I'm expecting him to be there, and remind him it's on Valentine’s day"

My son didn’t get the connection; like all teenagers he was thinking of other things. Not listening to life’s little important facts.

_____________________________________________

ThePresent:

I once again dressed in my black suit and tie. I took extra care with my hair and nails and had a small brandy, then headed to the venue in my car. I had to call in on the way to see a friend but that didn’t take more than a half hour. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Juss. He was as gorgeous as ever and sitting at his firm’s table. I was seated at the central table with Daniel, no boyfriend this time. I felt so alone and whenever I looked Justin's way he was looking at me, so I leant over to my son and said,

"Dan, go invite your father over to sit with us. Tell him he should be here, it's the right thing for him to do."

He tried to quiz my decision but in the end he relented and went to talk to Juss.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and smelt minty breath as he whispered in my ear,

"Are you sure?"

My hand instinctively reached up to cover his and I replied,

"Of course I'm sure, you should be here with your family."

"Thank you David."

"Your more than welcome Justin, how have you been?"

"Okay I suppose, I could be better. You look amazing tonight Davie."

"So do you Juss, thank you for coming."

"Have you prepared your speech?"

"Yes, let’s hope I don't stuff it up."

"You never stuff it up Davie, your speeches are always perfect." he kept looking deeply into my eyes, his stare lifted my heart and gave me purpose.

I was called to the podium amid loud applause, I squeezed his hand and my sons and said,

"Wish me luck."

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I haven’t got a long speech tonight and I haven’t got my sons phone bill either. He's looking after himself nowadays. I think embarrassing him at the last event worked a treat." A round of laughter and applause followed.

"As you know we have had a fantastic six months at the foundation, we have found homes, patched up broken families, and worked hard to get people’s lives back on track."

I took a deep breath.

"It was my grandfather’s dream to clear our city streets of homelessness, and it’s been a dream of mine to reunite broken families and at any cost."

"This dream is slowly coming true for me and and my many employees. I now wish to touch on a subject close to my heart for a moment." Another breath.

"If the family core is strong then the family unit is repairable. It doesn't matter what the father, mother or the children have done to break that unit up, they can be reunited with their loving family with no or little problem, because love fixes everything. I believe, and so did my grandfather, as long as the family home is kept going, and kept warm, it doesn't matter what the children or the parents are doing, there will always be a shimmer of light to guide loved ones’ home. I want to be that light; I want my foundation to be the lantern that shows broken family members their way home." A round of applause.

"Now families may break up for a thousand reasons, heartbreak and emotional blackmail don't help, only love helps. And I want all of you good people and the people on the street to know, that there will always be a bright lantern shining on my porch, and at the foundation’s offices." I got a standing ovation that lasted until I had sat back down with my family. Juss took my hand and lifted it to his lips then said,

"Your incredible Davey, you're so beautiful inside and out." I blushed.

"May I drive you home?" That grin again.

"No."

"Oh okay, I will see you soon then." He looked so beaten and so unsure of himself, a different Justin to the one I loved.

"You can follow me home if you like, you can't drive me, I brought my car." His smile returned.

"I missed being here with you."

"I missed having you here Juss, the house has been so empty without you."

"Your heart has kept it warm though Davey, and I'm sorry, I've been a complete fool."

"No you haven’t, you were being human. I won’t be rubbing your face in it because you know why?"

"Why?"

"You still love me, you always have. You love your family and you love your life. You just forgot that for a moment, and I can't chastise you for that. It could easily have been me in your shoes Jus."

"Do you really think so?"

"No, but if hearing it makes you feel better, then so be it." I grinned at him this time.

"You have always been the strong one Davie. I did that awful thing to you and insulted you so badly. I will never understand why and I will never forgive myself."

"You had to do it Juss, you had to reaffirm in your heart that I was right for you. I know you thought you weren’t doing that at the time. But I knew it was only a slight hiccup and you would come home."

"I love you Davie, more than I can tell you. It’s not just Paul you know, it was everything. My job, getting older, getting stale, no parties, no raging again."
I interrupted.

"No headaches, no money worries, no hurling out the car windows."

"I get your point, thank you." he smiled again.

"Are you staying the night?"

"No, I'm staying for a lifetime, if you will have me." He then took me in his big arms and kissed me deeply and truly.

We made love like we did when we first met and it was so wonderful, he was wonderful. And when we said our goodnights he held me until I fell off to sleep. I was woken from my undisturbed sleep by a feeling I thought I would never experience again. The feeling of rebirth, as Justin made love to me again.

While he showered, I made toast and coffee then I moved to the back porch. I noticed another Valentine’s rose had appeared during the night. That makes ten symbolizing his love for me, our love together, our family.

____________________________________________

The Future:

"Do you have to go into work today Davie?"

"Yes Juss, I want to tie up some loose ends, how about we head off to Italy for a couple of weeks just to clear our heads?"

"That's fine with me, we can get this party started again." He smiled at me.

"I am going to invite Dan over for dinner tonight, is that okay?"

"Yes beautiful man, of course it is. I will invite him, I have to swing by and pick up my clothes anyway."

"Good, I’ll see you after work." He deeply kissed me then I left.

On the way to work I was thinking about the way Justin makes me feel, I have fallen in love with him again but it comes at a cost.

When I arrived I rang Uncle George.

"Did he start work in LA?"

"Yes David, Paul wont bother our family again. He's already talking about a promotion" He laughed down the phone.

"Good that small condo we bought there is ideal for him."

George had set up an interview at our offices in LA, Paul was shipped out, and thanks to my loving Uncle he probably wont be coming back to screw with my family again.

Happy Valentine’s Day to me.