You Ain't Santa

Dan and I were awakened on Monday morning by Nate and Ryan.  Ryan was giggling, "Nate, we'd better check our Dads to make sure they don't have fleas."

Nate giggled, "Do you think we need to check the hair around their penises, just in case?"

I sat up, "Never mind, guys, Dad Dan and I will check each other for fleas.  Why are you up so early?"

Ryan sighed, "Last night was the last night that Deputy Lanny will be staying with us.  It's going to be so funny not to have him here."

As we were eating breakfast, Dan asked, "Lanny, where are you going to be living, now that you won't need to be paying the extortion money to Conover and his buddy Paulsen?"

I grinned, "Lance and I are looking to maybe find an apartment.  I'm only going to be working as a deputy on days when I don't have classes.  The sheriff is going to arrange the schedule so I will be able to work forty hours a week and keep my benefits."

Nate asked, "Sheriff Lanny, when are we going to meet this Lance person you keep talking about?  Are Ryan and me going to like him?"

Lanny sidestepped the issue, "Lance, sort of works for your Daddy.  He can tell you more about him.  I'll bring him to see you when he gets out of the wheelchair and can get around."

Ryan sat forward, "Why is he in a wheelchair?"

"He had an accident when he was skiing.  Guys, I need to go.  I have to check in at the dispatch office and then I have a class this morning.  I'll stop by whenever I'm out this way.  Guys, I'm gonna miss you and your fleas."

Lanny had tears in his eyes when he departed.

Dan left to pick up his high school passengers, and Ryan and Nate were making sure that the animals had everything they needed.

I collected my things and dropped the boys at Belle Monte.  I talked to Bruce and George briefly before I left for the campus.  When I arrived at my nine o'clock class, I looked around and figured I was going to be in for big trouble, since not only was Lanny in the class, but Brandon, Will, John and Bill, as well as some other students I knew, were in the class.  After class, which had gone very well, Brandon and Will approached the front of the room.

Brandon started on me, "Dr. Richter, we made our token appearance.  We probably won't be seeing you again until the final which you won't need to even grade since we already know that you're going to give us an A.   Dr. Richter, you need to write a text that lay persons can understand, to go along with the course.   The text for this course is written so far above the average college student that there is no way we can make sense out of it."

"I learned more in the hour you were talking today that in three hours of trying read the text."

"Guys, I had nothing to do with the selection of the text for this course.  This is the first time I've ever taught this course.  I agree, the text is rather technical, and I'm guessing it was the author's doctorial dissertation."

Lanny approached where we were talking, I started to laugh, "Lanny and Brandon, have you compared penises yet.  I need to know in case the boys ask me which of you have the biggest penis."

Brandon frowned, "Dr. Richter, why would that even be a question that Ryan and Nate were interested in."

I pointed to Lanny, "Mr. Lane, you need to explain what the boys said.  I need to go check on Lance.  He's getting ready to teach his first class and he's a little nervous."

Lanny shook his head no, "Sir, you've got that wrong.  He's a lot nervous.  Come on, guys, and I'll explain how the subject of penis size came up.  You'll probably be going to the laughing your asses off."

I went to where Lance's class was to be held.  He was going back and forth in his wheel chair, since he couldn't pace.  I walked up to him.  "Lance, you need to stop doing that.  The students are going to pick up on the fact that you're very nervous.  Here, let's arrange this table so you will be able to put your notes and things on it, so you can be comfortable.  This is a big class so there will be no way that you can greet all of the students.  But, you should station yourself at the main entrance and introduce yourself and shake the students' hands so they will be on the defensive and everyone will know that you are the person in charge."

I monitored the entire class and Lance was indeed going to be a very good instructor.  He was well prepared, and once he was at ease, the lecture flowed very well, and he fielded any questions very professionally.  After class, he looked at me, "Dr. Richter, thank you for being here."

I decided to play a mind game with him, "I understand that you and our favorite deputy sheriff are going to be shacking up together."

He didn't flinch, "Would it be so bad if we did?"

"No, but you realize that you need our sons' approval to be able to do it.  They've grown very fond of Lanny."

"Yeah and Lanny has grown very fond of them, as well.  He told me about being attacked by aliens and how he won."

After lunch, I went to my one o'clock class which wasn't really a class but a seminar for seniors and graduate students.  As is always the case, this would turn out to be my favorite class to facilitate.  The students were more interested in learning than worrying about their grades at the end of the term.  That's not to imply that they didn't care about their grades, they did, but they were self motivated.  I was pleased that Lanny was in the class and he was a natural leader who exuded self confidence which was a far cry the young man I met at the gate to the little house, a week ago.

I finally left to monitor Leland's first class.  Leland was standing at the podium looking at his notes and waved to me as I walked in.  He was punctual, if nothing else.  He even had assigned seats and did a quick check to see who was missing.  I watched, and the students seemed to be fidgety and not paying attention.

After class, I went to Leland, "I'm not trying to be judgmental, but you're going to loose your students if you continue to conduct your class like this.  First, these are not junior college students.  Many of these young people are upperclassmen and are taking this class as an elective.  You need to lose the junior college mentality.  You need to relax and be more personable.  I suggest that you visit Lance's class tomorrow, and maybe you can get some pointers."

I could tell Leland was not pleased with my comments, but I've been teaching here for six years, so I had a good idea what the students responded to.

When I arrived at my office, Sandy nodded.  "Ms Wayne from the County's Attorney's office is waiting to speak to you."

"I'm Dr. Richter, how may I help you?  Is there a problem with my sons?  Has there been an accident?"

The young woman stood, "I have a court order that is telling you that you need to have the DNA of your sons examined for a court hearing no later than Wednesday."

I looked at the young woman, "Isn't this a bit peculiar?  Could you tell me why I'm to have this done?"

"Sir, I have no idea what's happening.  I'm just following instructions."

I walked into my office and called Belle Monte.

"This is George Masters.  How may I help you?"

"George, its Kirk, Is Bruce available?"

"This is Bruce."

"Bruce, I was just handed a court order telling me that I needed to have the boys' DNA taken by Wednesday.  Isn't that highly irregular?"

There was a silence on the other end of the phone, before Bruce responded, "Kirk, I don't like the sound of this.  There is obviously something happening that we don't know about.  I'll make some phone calls and see what I can find out.  Make sure you bring the court order with you when you come home."

When I arrived at Belle Monte, there was no one in sight.  I walked into the house and it was quiet.  That didn't make me feel very comfortable.  Finally Charles came into the living room laughing.  The boys are out training the dogs and the kittens to be sheep dogs.  I think the kittens are going to be better herders than Snitch and Snatch.  The cattle don't know what to make of the kittens"

Ian arrived, "Kirk, your two boys are too much.  They had Shane, Shawn and Jacob doing things they've never done before.  Vince and Alex are teaching them bad habits.  The guys were taking the animals to the little house so they could eat and rest.  The guys will be here shortly."

Dan arrived as the boys did, so there wasn't any time to talk.  When we were finishing dinner, Bruce suggested, "Guys, you ate, so you need to take care of the cleanup while we talk with your Dads for a short time."

We went into the office and Bruce looked at me, "Kirk, did you bring the court order?"

He looked at it, "How odd, the order doesn't mention what to do with the results of the tests.  I know Judge Smiley and he goes by the book.  This is so very unlike him.  Dan, can you do a DNA sample of Ryan and Nate here at the house?"

"Yes, I can, as I indicated when that fortune seeker was here the other night, but might I ask why we need to do it?"

Bruce handed Dan the court order, "This court order says we are to have samples of the boys DNA taken, but it doesn't say what is to be done with them, or why they are being taken.  I suggest that we have the samples taken, so we can comply with the court order."

Dan nodded, "I think it would be best if the samples were to be taken by a technician in the lab at the hospital, so there couldn't be any claims that I tampered with the tests because of my involvement with the boys.  I'll take the boys to work with me tomorrow morning on the pretense that I'm going to be treating them to breakfast while their Daddy sleeps in.  Someone can pick them up after the tests and bring them back here."

Bruce grinned, "I have a better idea.  Why don't we take Nathan, Ryan, Chase and Evan to breakfast in the morning?  After breakfast, you could take the four boys to be tested so Nate and Ryan wouldn't think they were being singled out.  In fact, I think we should take Vince and Alex with us.  They could also be tested and then they could take the boys home."

"Kirk, what's your morning like, tomorrow?  I want to see if we can make an appointment to visit with Judge Smiley, to find out why we are having samples of the boys' DNA taken.  I think you should go with me, since you're the boys' father.  You should probably bring your copy of the adoption paperwork, in case there is a problem."

"I have a class that I need to teach at eleven."

The conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the four boys.  Ryan asked, "Dads, is it okay if Evan and Chase spend the night with us?"

Dan answered, "That sounds like a great idea.  We need to have the four of you checked, since you've been around the animals with fleas.  We'll take you to breakfast and then I can take you to hospital to make sure you are not contagious and Vince and Alex can bring you home, if the results are okay."

Ryan asked, "Dad, what does that big word mean?"

Dan had to stop and think, "I guess you mean contagious.  It means that we need to make sure that you won't pass any diseases on to Roly and Poly or the other animals."

Ryan asked, "Dads, we aren't going to have to have any shots are we?"

Dan put his arms around Ryan, "Son, I promise you that you won't need to have any needles put in you for the test tomorrow."

Nate asked, "Who's going to take the big boys to school if we all go to breakfast?"

George said, "They can always ride the bus.  They're getting spoiled."

Shane had heard that comment, "Uncle George, you just declared war with that comment.  Wait until I tell your son what you said.  Nate, we'll show these old people what we teenagers can do.  We'll hide in the barn all day and play hooky."

I looked at Evan and Chase, "Go get some clean clothes.  I'll take Ryan and Nate so they can take care of the animals, and Doctor Thornton can bring you to the little house."

After the boys were settled in the sleeping bags, of course, Dan and I made sure the house was secure and turned the intercom in the downstairs off and went to our bedroom to have some extracurricular fun.  We had just finished doubling our pleasure when the speaker sounded "Little house, this is Homebase.  Do you copy?"

I was closest to the system, "We copy."

"This is Bruce; we just had some more visitors looking for Nathan and Ryan.  When you leave in the morning, don't stop at Homebase. Dan, where's a good place to have breakfast near the hospital?

"I like to eat at Abigail's Diner.  The food is always good and the service is fast.  They have great breakfast specials."

Bruce came back, "We'll meet you there at seven thirty.  I'll explain then what happened.  I don't think this has anything to do with the Bates case or the DNA testing."

There was a knock on the door.  I forgot about our state of dress and opened it.  Nate was standing there, "Dads, who were you talking to on the Intercom?  Is something bad happening again?"

I hugged Nate, "That was your Uncle Bruce.  He was telling us what time and where we were to meet them for breakfast."

Nate looked up at me, "Daddy, is that really all he called to talk about?  Daddy, can we go check to see if there is anything happening at the gate or at the big house?"

The gate area was normal and there was no traffic on the road.  The big house had a few lights on, but not very many.  I looked at Nate, "Where are Snitch, Snatch, Hodge and Podge?"

Nate looked at me and grinned, "They're hogging the sleeping bags, like they always do."

I nodded, "Son, the animals were the first to realize that something was wrong the last time we had people who tried to get to us.  Animals seem to sense when something is wrong.  They'll be the first to know and they'll let us know.  Now, I suggest you get your butt into bed or you'll be a grump all day tomorrow."

Nate hugged both Dan and me even though we were naked before he left.  After Nate had departed, Dan asked, "How many eight year old boys would not have made some comment about the state of our undress?"

I chuckled, "That sounds like a good subject for a research article.  Now, let's get some sleep if we can.  I wish Bruce had been more specific and then we wouldn't have to guess about what's going on."

Editor's Notes: 

It seems as if ends of chapters commonly show up at just such a time as this. Why do they seem to have so many unanswered questions?  Grin.