A Special Christmas

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Damn, I'm going to kill that alarm clock. BANG!

There that should do it. BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

God in heaven, I'm up already!!!!

Why oh why did I have to buy this damn thing, I thought, as I stared at it blearily, hoping it was off for good this time, then wondering "Why in the world did I have to go and start a company that requires me to be up at this time of morning?"

Someone should have just shot me and put an end to it, before it got started, as I decided to get up once and for all.

I pulled myself out of bed, staggering to the shower before heading down to get something to eat.

'I will never be a morning person, NEVER!!!' I thought, while looking out the window to see that it seemed like we had some more snow last night.

This was going to be fun I thought, as I went over and turned on the radio, to monitor what was happening out there, before going over to the computer to check the school system's status.

It looked like they were going to be open, surprisingly.

This school system usually had a habit of closing, if someone even thinks the word snow, but someone must have been adventuresome today, or maybe they just haven't got around to closing yet.

Then again, I suppose maybe no one has woken up and looked outside yet.

'Guess I'd better check in.' I thought, as I walked over to the radio and picked up the mic. "700 comm center on command 1"

Shortly there was a reply, "Go ahead 700." "700 10-10 radio, any traffic?" I told it.

This was to advise them that I was on the radio and in service, but not available yet and also to ask if there were any issues that I needed to be made aware of.

Dispatch replied "10-4 700 10-10 at 0634 no traffic"

Which meant that nothing of importance was going on, so I acknowledged the transmission and went back to eating while checking my e-mail.

I got one from a friend in England who was asking if I was all set for my Christmas meal with a goose and pudding set out, and I quickly sent off a reply, letting him know that I was having Turkey and not a Christmas goose with mine. I mean after all, I could never eat 'Goos'!

Eating and thinking, or as some might observe, feeling sorry for myself a bit. Here I was, 43 years old, fairly successful, with a thriving business and nice house, but no one to share it with. I always thought I would be married by now, with a house full of little ones to drive me crazy, but here I was, single and, truth be told, rather lonely in this big house which felt so empty.

I was never the social gadfly so to speak, always preferring to be by myself, rather than party with the crowd as it were, but I guess being a loner had finally caught up with me, that, and the fact that it was almost Christmas. Hearing noises coming from outside, I got up and looked out the window and I couldn't help but smile as I saw the Johnson bunch outside, having a snowball fight, before leaving for school.

They were sweet kids; the oldest being 11 and the youngest of the 5 being just 4, they came over and visited quite often and I enjoyed having them with me, enormously.

'Well, enough of this meandering,' I thought, 'I suppose I had better hit the road.'

I got up and headed back to the bedroom to get dressed; thinking about how much had changed in my life in such a short amount of time.

Just three years ago, I had been in a dead end job, going nowhere, then opening up a small business which had been a struggle for the longest time, before a series of remarkable events had happened, which brought me to where I was now.

I currently had a successful business, which included providing the police services to the school district, as well as backup to local cities and the county.

All of this from one phone call; I was truly blessed, if still alone.

I had started a taxi service, which was, in the beginning, a struggle, until that call came in that fateful day.

I had no idea that it would lead to where it has now.

Taking the call, I was surprised to find that it was the local school district, asking if I would be able to transport a problem child of theirs, to and from school.

Of course, being as I was barely keeping my head above water, at least most times, I said yes.

The official who called me regaled me with the great things to come, if I did well in this, but of course I took it as him simply stroking me, and didn't pay it much attention.

Over the next month or so, several more students were added to this order, until I was taking four of them.

These were kids who had been kicked off of any regular transportation, and I was the only one left to do it for them.

As time went on, not much happened, until the summer preceding the next school year, when I was contacted and asked to come in for a meeting with the head of the school board's transportation committee, as well as the head of the school board.

That meeting changed my life.

Essentially they were offering me quite a lucrative contract, to carry a great many students for them in the coming school year.

I, needless to say, told them I would get back to them that I had to consider whether I could do it and also to give them a price.

They gave me one then and there, and when I could get my mouth closed, I realized that I didn't need time to consider anything, after all.

I said yes and then asked the question that really did it.

Considering the nature of these kids and the fact that they had no school district police, not to mention that oftentimes there would be problems on the buses, I asked them if they wanted some type of security response units set up, to deal with anything that might occur, and I offered to respond to situations on their buses as well, if they were interested.

They were.

With the stipulation that the Sheriff had to be present to discuss this further and that he would have to agree before I did anything like that, we went our separate ways and they told me they would be in touch.

I just didn't expect them to be in touch the following day, when I received a call asking if I could meet with them that afternoon.

Upon arrival, I found the local Sheriff there, along with the board members from yesterday, and we took our seats while the Sheriff gazed at me with a suspicious look, as he took his seat.

The last thing I wanted was a pissing contest, so before anyone could begin, I did, by telling the Sheriff that I would not agree to operate a school district police force, without his direct input about what he expected or demanded nor would I be a party to it without his full approval.

That left him stunned, as it was not, I think, what he had been expecting to have happen.

We spent all afternoon and into the evening, discussing what was wanted, how it should operate and what the Sheriff needed or wanted, for it to be acceptable.

None of it was unreasonable, and I told him so, and that I would comply completely with all of it. Then I told him that he could make any further requests at anytime.

He was happy, I was happy and so was the school district, by the time the meeting came to an end, but nothing compared to how happy I was going to be the next day.

I was a bit surprised, to say the least, when the head of the school board called the next morning and asked me to come down. I came down right away.

They sat me down and handed me a sheet of paper, which outlined the contracts to me. The contract for pupil transportation, and the contract for a school district police force.

I, to this day, don't know how I kept my mouth from dropping open in complete shock at what I was reading.

The amounts they were offering me for the initial year were staggering and it outlined a long term contract with steady increases each year, and provisions that if they wanted more they would pay more.

That quickly, my company became a resounding success.

I accepted, of course, and soon had a contract in my hands followed by an obscenely large check, which I quickly put in the bank.

The bank didn't even believe it, and called the county to verify it before they would deposit it.

Giddy was a word that I finally understood completely.

In the time since then, I had expanded the transportation side of the business greatly, including getting the Medicaid contract for the region from the state, and also increased the police portion to the point where we usually had 7 units on during the day, and 5 at night, with slight variations depending on day of week and such.

The most surprising thing to me was the cooperation from the Sheriff's department, which we received. They were a part of it from the get go and I even had the Sheriff's home number. We became quite good friends actually and his help made my department much better than it would have been without it.

Now we not only provided services for the school district, but assisted under contract with several cities as well as the county.

Life was good.

Except for me moping around feeling sorry for myself, that is.

It had been an amazing couple of years and looking back, I still can't believe it went from famine to feast that quickly.

I shook my head and got back to the business of finishing dressing as I grabbed my Sam Brown, and got it on, then finding what else I needed, including the radio to which I clipped the mic to my shoulder before I advised dispatch that I was 10-8.

I headed downstairs and out to my suburban. I started it up, and got it running so it would warm up a bit, which would keep me from freezing anything important off.

I then switched all the emergency lights on, getting out to check them when I was met by 5 boisterous munchkins who had been attracted by the flashing lights, all screaming "Hi Tom"

"Well good morning there, what are you all up to, this morning?" I asked them.

This was met with five voices vying to regale me with their adventures in snowball fighting earlier this morning.

They, of course, also wanted to hear the siren, so I quickly hit it for a second causing, them all to squeal with delight.

Debbie, their mother, came out then, and shooed them towards the bus stop before they missed the bus ,while grabbing up little Justin who wouldn't start school until next year, although Justin wasn't very happy with this, as he wanted to go with his brothers and sisters.

"Tom, I hope they weren't bothering you," she said.

"Oh no." I replied. "They are never a bother; I enjoy them visiting me very much." "Well, if you're sure, I don't want them to become a nuisance."

"Don't worry, Debbie I love kids, and having them around is great. I actually miss them when they leave."

"Well maybe I'll give em to you then." she said, with a big grin on her face.

"Just remember, if you give em to me, that I might not give them back" I shot back at her.

She just laughed and pulled Justin along with her, as she said goodbye and went back to her house.

I pulled out of the driveway, after killing the light show, and headed out. The roads were kind of nasty, but passable, if you were careful.

I hadn't been out for five minutes when the first call of the day came in; a bus driver was requesting assistance on her bus, with a disturbance.

I heard other units responding as well, so I knew there would be back up as this was a high school bus, if I remembered correctly.

I was going down Miller's road, when I saw the bus up ahead at Jackson's Crossing, stopped, so I killed my siren, as I pulled up behind it.

It turned out to be several students fighting, and two of them were stupid enough to begin again as I got on the bus.

I quickly broke it up, but dumb and dumber compounded it by attacking me, so they both went to jail today and the victim went to the hospital to be checked out.

The bus driver told me they were regular problem students anyway, but she wouldn't have to be worrying about them anymore after today.

Job security, they would be riding with the taxi side of my company as soon as their suspensions were over with.

I got down to the ER, and saw that everything was taken care of, and then headed over to the jail to finish up the paperwork there, after turning over the kids to their parents.

Once there, I spent about an hour on forms, which are the bane of our existence, and finally got out of there, after tracking down my 2 sets of cuffs.

I headed out for some general patrol and to see what else I could get into.

It was quiet for quite a while, with only a couple of traffic stops and one back up request over the next couple of hours, so I decided to head on into the office for a bit. It seemed to be a bit slow everywhere, as not much was happening, a couple of units were on calls at schools, but nothing of importance.

I headed out and decided to stop by Erehwon Elementary, and hadn't made it through the doors before I had Al jumped on me, giving me a big hug. He was such a sweet kid.

"Hey munchkin, where are the imps, today?" I asked him, as he nuzzled his cheek into my shoulder.

"Right here!" came a single scream, as two ten-year-old boys came running, and tried to join their 'brother' in my arms, chattering away.

I tried to get by here for a while, a couple of times a week, at least, to visit them and I really enjoyed the time spent here. I slowly began shepherding them towards their cafeteria for lunch.

We hadn't gone very far, before a teacher stuck his head out of a room, glaring at the boys in question who just smiled back with impudent grins.

"You are supposed to be in here learning, you know?" Mr. Ambrose said, with mock anger, which was belied by the smile on his face, and the twinkle in his eyes.

I laughed and said, "I'll just take them on down towards the cafeteria."

"I suppose any further attempt at teaching them anything would be pointless at this point," he grumbled, before disappearing back into the classroom. I am sure I heard him chuckle as he closed the door.

The imps and Al just giggled as I told them, "You're going to drive that poor man crazy, you know." which brought even more giggles.

We hadn't gone more than a few feet when a small boy came barreling around the corner, stark naked, and ran behind me, as we heard,

"Jonah! Get your sorry little butt back here, right this minute! You can't run around the halls like that!" screaming at the giggling boy.

This was the final member of the foursome, and we all started laughing, as Justin came barreling around the same corner, stopping in his tracks, at seeing me standing there, with the three boys and one little one, peering around my waist at the none too thrilled person who stood there glaring at him.

I didn't think I wanted to know just what the little one was doing running around the halls of a school naked, some things are best left unknown, so settled for asking

"Hi Just how's it going?" while trying to stifle the laughter rather unsuccessfully. Still glowering at the young boy behind me, he replied, "It WAS going fairly well." "Well, Tom was here and I gotta go see him." the boy said back, challengingly.

I just shook my head as Just told him; "Gus is not going to be happy," which got a startled squeak from the little one at my back.

"I tell you what, why don't you go get dressed, and meet us in the cafeteria, and I'll talk Just into not saying anything to your big friend, how's that?" I asked him, smiling.

Jonah peered out at Justin suspiciously, and said "You pwomise?"

Just looked indignant at the thought, but at a pleading look from me, he said, "Okay, I promise, if you get your clothes back on, right now."

"Okay" the small boy replied, and with that, he was off like a streak, leaving Just, once again standing there with his mouth open, before he thought to begin trying to catch up, once again screaming,

"JOOOONNNNAAAAH!"

Through all of this, the imps and Alex had never stopped giggling. What a wonderful bunch.

I sat with them in the cafeteria for a while, as they ate their lunch, and the first thing to happen when Jonah, with Just in tow, entered the room, was to hear his voice loudly asking, "Do they gots any 'cinmon crumbles?'" causing me to shake my head, as I wondered if Jamie and Dell would make it over today, to join us, but I didn't see them until leaving, about noon, to head over to McDonald's to get some lunch, that was palatable for myself.

It was just as I was leaving, that they came in, and I got and gave them hugs, but told them I had to go.

I don't know what prompted me to say that but I knew it was the right thing to do with every ounce of my being just as soon as the words left my mouth.

She just looked at me; sadly it seemed, before asking "Are you married?" "No" I replied.

She then told me "Look I'll tell you the realities of the situation, you are a single male who wants to adopt 7 kids. It isn't going to happen, no ju…."

I interrupted her "Listen to me I am a police officer, hell I'm the chief of a department that deals with kids all day long, I have more than enough money and a huge house with plenty of room for them. Why shouldn't I be able to take them in? They need a home so badly and…and…I need them as well" I ended softly

She just looked at me.

"Look it would take months to do all the paperwork and background investigations, add the required classes and certifications you would need and then after all that you would only be able to foster them if they even approved you. As I was trying to say before no judge will let you as a single man adopt them. I'm really sorry, but that is the reality of the thing. If you got through all the BS to get certified as a foster parent, even then without the adoption the kids could be taken from you at any time and there is not even a guarantee that you would get all 7 in the first place. That's assuming they would even certify you as a foster parent and there is no guarantee of that. They have a bias against single males and God forbid if you were gay and I don't want to know so don't tell me, even then getting certified would be problematical although I could probably, and I emphasize the word probably, get that through eventually but it would take time, maybe even longer than normal, which is long enough trust me."

I just looked at her, conflicting emotions no doubt battling for supremacy across my face as I tried to formulate a response.

Finally I said "But, I mean how can they deny a home that would keep all of them together, a single man or not I could give them love and a place where they could all be together?

Please, I mean isn't there like an emergency placement you can make, you know making me a foster parent temporarily to cover this?"

I knew I was almost begging and the pity on her face was evident and if I didn't know how much she cared I probably would have lost my temper but she did care, it was the system that didn't.

She looked at me sadly as she told me "Tom it's called an emergency certification and it can only be used in a few, a very few, limited circumstances and I am sorry to tell you that this doesn't come close to any of them. Even if it did, the certification would probably be overturned in short order as improper for the reasons I stated earlier. Not only that, but you would still have to go through everything with no guarantee about anything. I'm sorry but it's just not possible."

I just stared numbly at her.

I had gone from trying to distance myself from them to deciding with every fiber of my being that I wanted them with me forever and now after accepting that fact, I was being told I couldn't have them.

It was just too much.

I looked at her and felt tears running down my face. "There must be something that can be done, please."

She knew how I felt and it was obvious it was tearing her up inside but there really wasn't anything she could do, I realized.

She sadly said, "Tom, I will try to do the best I can with them. Unfortunately the choices are a group home or foster homes. I might be able to only split them into two groups if I'm lucky but there is no way to keep them together. It's going to be difficult to find a place for them at all right now with it being the holidays."

I looked at her blankly and she explained. "For a time when children are supposed to take priority over all, our caseload goes through the roof."

I nodded; I suppose it made sense in a way. The holidays are usually the most stressful time of year for people. Everything goes up, such as suicide, spousal abuse, and apparently child abuse as well, along with drinking and drug use which contributes greatly in the aforementioned problems.

"I can probably get them into a group home together, but that would only be temporary, as policy dictates that we move them into foster care as soon as possible, at that point they would be split up."

"Look Jenny, I'm telling you they can't survive that. They need each other. They have to be kept together."

She just looked at me and finally said, "We should be getting to the hospital."

I knew she was trying to end this as I wasn't letting it go, but I couldn't and she knew it.

About that time my cell rang and it was the ER telling me that the kids were just about finished with their work-ups and could I please come back, as they had been asking for me, or rather demanding me which I relayed to Jenny, who told me she would follow me over.

When I got to the ER, I had no sooner hung up the mic and stepped out of my patrol car than I had a flock of kids heading for me with hospital gowns flying out behind them like capes and several nurses running along behind screaming for them to get back inside.

I didn't know how they knew I was here, but the feeling that encompassed me was indescribable as I knelt down and was swarmed in a massive hug by six sweet little angels all telling me that they were so happy I had came back.

When I could catch a breath and get them to calm down slightly I noticed 3 nurses standing there looking at us and trying to keep frowns on their faces even though their eyes were filled with tears.

I then realized that they weren't the only ones with tears in their eyes.

I slowly stood up with Andrew and Andrea on each hip with the others attached to whatever other part of my body they could find a grip on and noticed that Jenny was there and had witnessed this.

The look on her face was a mixture of love, tenderness, and pity and I knew all too well why.

I slowly shepherded them back inside with the nurses leading the way and them all the while asking if they had to go back in there and would there be more tests and a thousand and one other questions.

I tried to prioritize the answers as best I could and finally got them to a small family room where we all went inside.

The nurses started to leave us when Sean suddenly said "Eric!" and bolted for the door with all the others running after him.

The nurses started chasing them with Jenny and I following quickly behind. I had no idea what was going on but just hoped Eric was alright.

Sean was his twin after all and I had heard stories that one twin could feel what the other felt.

They were heading into the emergency room proper and a nurse tried to block their way yelling at them that they couldn't be in here when they all twisted around her and left her standing there talking to thin air.

We caught up with them in a room where they had all disappeared into, to find them either on the bed or gathered tightly around it.

In it was Sean's twin slowly waking up.

I said softly, "They knew" and Jenny looked at me strangely.

Eric was waking fully and was looking around rather confused so I walked over to him and the kids parted to let me in, gathering around me once I was up against the bed.

"Hey little man, how are you feeling? My name is Tom and you must be the famous Eric I have heard so much about."

He looked at me with a frightened look and then turned to stare at Sean for a moment or two.

I could swear it almost seemed like they were communicating somehow.

Eric then turned his gaze to Andrea followed by the twins and then briefly to the rest of the children before looking back to me and saying shyly "Hi".

Whatever had taken place caused him to be much more relaxed and the frightened look was gone from his face.

I looked towards Sean and the rest of the kids and got pure angelic innocent looks in return, yea right, before looking back to Eric.

I asked "How are you feeling, little one." to which he replied, "Okay I guess, but it hurts" I looked to the nurse before asking him what hurt.

He said "My head and arm and here" pointing to his chest and stomach.

I took a deep breath and told him that he had been hurt in those places but that he was going to be okay.

The nurse came over and interjected. "He has 3 cracked ribs, a broken arm, and a probable concussion but he is going to be okay."

I asked him "Did you hear that, you are going to be fine, you are going to have to wear a cast for a while on your arm but you are going to be okay."

He looked at me for a moment and then asked how he had been hurt when suddenly he stopped and a look of terror came across his face.

I realized he was remembering exactly who had hurt him so I quickly said "Eric, Eric, listen to me, Eric listen, he CAN'T hurt you anymore, do you understand, HE CAN'T HURT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE AGAIN do you understand me. He can't hurt you ever again sweetheart."

I watched as the panic slowly receded from his face and I repeated that he, his brothers and sisters were safe now.

He had grabbed me initially and was holding on for dear life with his one good hand.

I was bent over, slowly stroking his face and head as I whispered it over and over again. "You're safe now, you're safe now, you are all safe now, he can't hurt you anymore.

The repeated mantra seemed to be getting through as he slowly relaxed and calmed to my voice.

I just stood there everything else forgotten as he came down from his panic. Then his next words shattered the calm that had been attained.

"Where's momma?"

My breath caught and I quickly glanced at the other children. Sean, Andrea, and Randy started crying and had looked down.

Adam who was in Eric's lap wrapped himself around his chest gently while Beth and Andrew who were also in the bed wrapped themselves on whatever part was available.

Eric looked up at me and I took a deep breath as I felt tears falling down my face.

I gently said to him "Eric, honey, there is no easy way to say this, but he hurt her too badly. Your momma went to heaven."

He looked at me blankly for a moment, I think he knew from the moment the kids had reacted, but he didn't want to believe it.

He said in a completely flat voice "She's dead" and I nodded as I told him "Yes, I'm so, so sorry honey but yes."

The tears had started flowing as he said that and I just held onto him as they came more and more until it seemed as if the floodgates had been opened and great racking sobs shook his small frame.

In time, much time, the floodgates seemed to ease and slowly close with the tears and sobs slowing greatly.

I grabbed a tissue and wiped his face just repeating what I had been saying for some time now. "It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay."

I don't know if the words meant anything to him at that point and I would guess probably not, but the repeated whispering as I cradled him to me did get through and he calmed as the first of the storms passed through and went on.

I knew there would be others but for now he was okay.

Finally I turned and introduced Jenny to the kids and them to her. They were a bit apprehensive at first but soon warmed to her.

We spent several hours not doing much except loving them and reassuring them.

Lots of hugs and kisses all around and Sean especially seemed to latch onto me during that time.

Then the inevitable question came up, "What's going to happen to us now?" And I was left not knowing just how to answer it.

I decided to just tell them the truth.

"Well guys, first of all you all are going to be safe from now on, you don't ever have to worry about someone hurting you again. If anyone tries you come to Jenny or I and tell us right away no matter what. No one has the right to hurt you. Jenny is going to take you someplace safe where you will live from now on with people who care about you and will love you."

They all looked at me and I felt a lump in my throat as I just knew what the next question was going to be.

It was.

Little Beth looked up at me and said "Can we live with you; we want you to be our daddy now?"

I looked at her and held out my arms and she climbed up into them.

I didn't know how to say this without hurting them and then realized that no matter what I said it was going to hurt them.

"Baby girl listen to me for a second, all of you. There is nothing more in this world that I would like than to take you home…."

When a voice filled with anger broke in, it was Sean

"BUT, its but isn't it. You don't want us and you're not going to take us are you?" There were tears running down his face and the others had started crying as well.

Only the twins were looking at me and not crying and they didn't have a look of betrayal, shock and anger on their faces like the others did.

I didn't have time to think about it as Sean angrily continued, "We thought you cared but you don't, you lied to us" he had been approaching me and now launched himself at me fists flailing and screaming over and over again "You lied to us, you lied to us" as he struck out in his pain.

I didn't even feel the blows as he struck my face and chest.

I was crying and reached out to hold him but he would have none of it. I could barely say the word "No" so softly that no one could hear me.

Jenny was trying to pull him off of me and my heart was shattering in a million pieces. Jenny was screaming for help and Sean kept raining blows down on me.

I didn't care anymore, I couldn't help them and by letting them get attached to me I had caused this pain.

I couldn't see clearly and realized that I was bleeding but I didn't care anymore, I deserved it.

All I could see was the accusation in their looks as I told them I wouldn't be there for them.

The hurt, the betrayal, the knife I had plunged into each of their hearts when they had already been through so much.

Jenny finally knocked him away from me and others came into the room I think but I didn't care.

I got up and staggered almost blindly out the door and ran down the hall blood and tears blurring my vision.

I vaguely heard someone calling my name but paid it as little attention as I did the shocked stares of the people taking sight of me in my flight.

I made it to my rig and climbed in blindly starting the engine and pulling out of the entrance way.

I drove around for God knows how long in a daze all I could see was the look in their eyes. What I had done to them was as bad as what their father had done.

No, worse, as I had given them hope, and then taken it away again. I will never, ever, be able to forget that look.

It will haunt me to my dying day. How could I have done this to them?

I berated myself for hours and finally realized that I was sitting in my driveway and I had no idea how long I had been there.

I slowly got out of the car and went inside. The clock said it was almost midnight. I went upstairs and robotically started getting undressed heading into the bathroom.

I finally got a look at myself in the mirror and thought that I deserved everything there, and then some.

Sean had done a number on my face alright.

There were cuts and bruises galore, my lips were split open and I had earlier had a bloody nose.

There was a lot of blood but I just didn't care.

I stepped into the shower and just blanked out, then the next thing I remember is when I came to, sitting on the floor of the shower with the hot water running over me.

I slowly got up and staggered out to dry myself off and that's the last thing I remember until the next day, although I later found out that I had called dispatch and told them I wouldn't be in the next day at least.

When I woke the next morning in my bed, I was disorientated and a bit confused until it all came rushing back and then the tears came once again. I just laid there and cried until there was nothing left to cry, although the sobs still racked my body.

The picture of their faces and their eyes staring at me in shocked hurt and betrayal was all I could see and I couldn't get that picture out of my mind.

What had I done? Oh God, what have I done to those poor kids?

I hated myself with a passion for subjecting them to even more pain after everything they had been through.

I didn't get up at all except when I had to use the restroom and then I crawled back into my hole.

The phone rang and rang but I didn't answer it.

Someone rang the doorbell and banged on my door but again I didn't answer it.

Not that morning, not that afternoon and not later in the evening when someone was screaming my name while banging on my door.

I fell into a fitful slumber finally, waking periodically to cry some more, and then sleep again.

I had spent the day doing that and now the night as well.

I woke sometime around midmorning feeling as badly as before. I couldn't live like this, with what I had done and especially after being whole and now ripped apart and empty.

If what happened next hadn't happened, I think I might have ended the pain before long, for good.

I got up slowly feeling as if I was a hundred years old and staggered to the bathroom to take care of necessities and then staggered back to my bed.

I had just made it to the bathroom when a voice called out "Hey Tom are you up here?" followed by a young boy of about 11 walking into my bedroom.

"Oh there you are" he stated as he stopped and stared at me.

To say I was shocked was an understatement, here I was standing in the doorway to my bedroom from the bathroom stark naked and there was a little boy who I had never seen before standing there in front of me staring at me or more specifically his eyes seemed to be staring at one part of me a bit more than the rest, a part that hadn't fully gone down I might add from its usual morning condition.

I managed a very articulate response to this scene. "Uuhhh."

He looked at me and said "You are Tom aren't you?"

I nodded my head and managed to say " ummm yea and who the hell are you and how did you get in my house, hell what are you doing in my house anyway?"

I saw him gulp and then he said "Ah I'm Chris"

But when he saw the complete blank look on my face, his turned kind of white and he continued "Oh shit my dad forgot to tell you didn't he? Oh man I am so sorry, he forgets things sometimes."

He was looking at me expectantly and I was starting to get annoyed which I think he saw in my face as he took a step back.

I sort of growled at him again, "Who are you, what are you doing in my house and how did you get into it in the first place."

Now he was scared and he rapidly spit out "I'm Chris and I'm supposed to stay with you and the door was open." All in one breath.

I decided to take a deep breath before I took out all my pain on this child and told him, "Look Chris, I don't know who you are or why you think you should be staying with me but you are mistaken. We'll sort this out in a little while, right now I am going to take a shower and get dressed. I want you to go downstairs and wait for me and I will be down afterwards and we will sort this all out. okay?"

He just looked at me and nodded his head before running out of the room. Great, just friggin great.

I was not in the mood for company and certainly not a child right now which got me to thinking about 7 other children, which got me to crying again as I went back into the bathroom and got into the shower.

I pulled myself together, or at least the appearance of together, and finished my shower, got dressed and headed downstairs to sort this mistake out.

When I got downstairs, I smelled the aroma of breakfast and realized I was quite hungry.

I went into the kitchen to discover Chris setting scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and juice on the table.

He gave me a nervous smile and said, "I thought you might be hungry so I…" and trailed off shifting nervously and shuffling his feet as he dropped his eyes.

I couldn't take out my problems on this little guy so I said "Wow this looks great, you didn't have to do all this, thank you."

He looked up at me with a huge smile on his face as I told him to grab a seat and join me.

We started eating and after a while I asked him to explain this whole thing to me so I could understand what was going on.

He looked at me and started, "Well my dad had some business to do and said he was going to have me stay with an old friend, you, and he would be back tomorrow to pick me up. He said he was going to call you and let you know but I guess he forgot, sorry."

Well what now?

"Just who is your dad anyway?"

He looked at me and said "Bill, Bill Forester."

My God, Bill Forester, I hadn't seen him or even spoken with him in years. It had to be over 15 years since I last spoke with him. He was one of my best friends when I was a kid, we had done everything together but as time went on we had seemed to grow apart. God did that name bring back memories.

My reverie was broken up by a voice saying, "Do you remember him? He said he hadn't talked to you in a long time."

I nodded, and smiled fondly as I told him "Oh yes I remember him, he and I were best friends when we were your age, and he is right, we drifted apart over the years after we had grown up and I haven't seen or spoken to him in a long, long time. So I am at a loss how did you end up here?"

He looked at me and said "Well, dad is looking for a job and had an interview and since I didn't want to go and be bored all day watching my brothers he said he would let me stay with you until he got back, only I guess he forgot to mention it to you huh?"

I chuckled a bit and told him "Its okay, don't worry about it. I'm glad to have you here" and as I said it I realized it was true.

"You have to understand though your dad would forget his di…er uh his arm if it wasn't attached to him." I said

He laughed and said "You were gonna to say dick weren't you? And then laughed again. I nodded my head and chuckled; thinking of how forgetful Bill had always been.

"Well muchkin, there were actually a couple times when your dad took a leak and then forgot it was still out when he was done."

This caused Chris to fall off his chair laughing saying over and over again "no, oh no, he didn't."

It was infectious as all I could manage to do was nod my head.

When he had recovered he told me that his dad would be by tomorrow night to pick him up.

I told him that I was sorry that I had missed him when he dropped him off and he had explained how they had rung the bell and knocked on the door and couldn't get an answer but with his dad having to go he had left Chris there until I got home, after a while Chris had tried the door and found it unlocked, so had come in.

We finished up breakfast and put the dishes in the dishwasher and headed into the den where Chris plopped himself down in front of the TV to immerse himself in some kids program or so I thought.

I was thinking what a nice kid he was and that got me thinking about certain other kids which got me feeling like I was going to cry once again.

I was about to get up and go somewhere where he couldn't see me when I heard him ask me "What happened to your face? Did a bad guy do it, dad said you were a cop too, so what

The odd thing was, as I was leaving, I could hear Jamie say to Dell, "I always liked dragons." and Dell respond, "Don't you dare! Ellen will kill you." and Jamie giggles, as I left the room.

It was just after lunch, that I heard the county receive a domestic disturbance call in Cloverdale, and they had no units close by.

Once again, my life was about to change because of one phone call only I didn't know it yet.

I called in on the sheriff radio and advised them that I was responding to back their unit, 705 and 708 called in responding as well.

They advised that it was a husband/wife dispute with children present as I flipped the lights and siren on.

All of us were at least 5 to 7 minutes out or further, 211, the county unit, was about 12 away and I was 7 to 8 with 705 the closest at about 5 and 708 just behind him.

About two minutes after taking the call, county dispatch advised us that the husband was striking the kids now as well the wife and one of them was down.

I heard 211 ask that rescue be dispatched to a staging area near the scene until we cleared it.

About 2 minutes later, dispatch advised that the CP had been pulled from the phone and screaming could be heard in the background before the line went dead.

This was just getting worse and worse.

705 went Code 6 shortly thereafter followed by 708 while I was still several out.

We also had additional units responding now from the county, as well as my guys, but I was still about 2 out when I heard words come across the radio that chilled me to the bone.

Screaming sounds……..and then "705 9! 9! 8!….998 SHOTS FIRED!." and then nothing. If there is something you don't want to hear in this line of work it's a 99_ code.

There is only one 99_ code worse than 998. I just didn't realize I would hear it next.

705 999!!! OFFICER DOWN!!!, 999 8'S DOWN, 902R NOW!!!

Officer down and he needed rescue.

I went from merely flying, to warp speed, soon arriving and pulling my weapon as I exited the vehicle, running for the front door.

The sight that greeted me was chaos as it often is in these situations, with the first thing to greet my eyes being 705 standing over 8 protecting him, with his weapon still pointed at a prone figure lying on the ground, while kids were screaming and I noticed at least one of them was down and not moving as well, along with what I assumed to be the mother.

My officer was the only one moving.

I moved in and kicked the knife away from the male subject on the floor while telling dispatch to get rescue in here now, but they were about 2 out still.

I then started checking those down, starting with 8 who had a knife wound in his shoulder. It didn't look too bad and he was controlling the bleeding I made note of, as I went over to the boy and found him to be unconscious but still breathing.

The mother was in bad shape with stab wounds to her abdomen and chest.

I advised dispatch of the number and type of injuries to relay to the medic unit and also had them get Life Flight in the air, it was that bad, as I tried to control the bleeding from the mother but there was an awful lot of it.

I noticed that there were at least four other kids besides the one who was down and all appeared in shock and terrified so I told Jeff to get them out of here so they wouldn't have to see anymore of this mess.

I could hear multiple sirens approaching and hoped that at least one of them belonged to the medic unit.

My wish was apparently granted as rather quickly paramedics and more officers were swarming into the room taking over care of the mother, desperately trying to save her life.

Dad was no longer a problem, for anyone.

As I left, I glanced back to watch the fight and to notice that the kid was still unconscious as I sent a silent prayer to whoever, to look out for the poor thing before walking outside to check on my officer.

Jeff was fine but I knew he had a lot to go through as he had been required to take a life regardless of the circumstances.

I watched, as what, to the uninitiated, would appear to be utter chaos ensued. It wasn't though; it was extremely controlled, as the medics came out first with Mark loaded on a stretcher, heading to their ambulance. They assured me he would be alright as I told Mark I would bring his wife to meet him at the hospital.

I watched then as another set of paramedics came out with mom on the gurney rushing her towards their waiting unit performing CPR as they went.

It didn't look good.

They were heading to where the helicopter was setting down and were soon followed by another gurney carrying the little boy; apparently he was also going to be going by Life Flight today.

I glanced over to Jeff's unit and noticed the kids sitting there, looking completely shell shocked. My heart just about broke, seeing that, wondering how anyone but especially their father could do something like this to kids, and just days before Christmas, as well.

The sheriff showed up, and I went over to him. He was talking with Jeff, and I got the rest of the story.

Jeff and Mark had arrived, going in to find the father, with knife in hand, advancing on the children. They had ordered him to halt, and he seemed to be complying, but when Mark went to place him under arrest, the father had lunged towards Mark and Jeff saw Mark scramble backwards to avoid the knife. Jeff had told him repeatedly to stop, but the man ignored him; continuing to advance on Mark, at which point Jeff had fired.

It wasn't until afterwards that Mark collapsed. He hadn't been able to avoid the first lunge, as Jeff had thought. Jeff hadn't even known until that moment that Mark had been injured.

It was a textbook justified shooting, but the emotional toll would be great, because contrary to popular belief, cops didn't just wait around looking for someone to blow away. It is something that if it ever happens, will remain with the officer for the rest of his life, causing psychological ramifications that are tremendous and long term, as well as with anyone else involved in the incident, in this case the children.

It didn't really matter what kind of father he had been to the children, it was their father, and they had seen him killed, right in front of them.

I started to head over to the unit that had the children in it, when I noticed a deputy coming out of the house with two small figures, wrapped against his chest.

My heart stopped for a second, as I thought that they were two bodies but started once again, as thankfully, I saw movement from them.

I intercepted him and asked "What do we have here?"

I saw two identical and absolutely adorable little faces turn towards me, as the deputy answered "We were searching the house, and found these two in the back of a closet, it doesn't appear they are injured in any way though, just scared."

I was totally entranced by them, as they looked at me with wide-eyed and unbelievably trusting expressions.

They appeared to be about 3 or 4 years of age at the most and were definitely twins with brown hair, and eyes with the most gorgeous long eyelashes on them.

I gently said, "Hi there, my name is Tom, what's yours?"

They looked at each other and then back at me before smiling shyly and then first one said softly "Andrew" followed but an equally soft "Adam" from the other.

What surprised me next was Andrew reaching out to wrap his arms around me, and transferring himself to my hold.

Adam looked on and then nodded his head, as I watched, as if coming to a decision, before following his brother's actions and latching onto me as well.

I now had my arms full of two little boys who were snuggling into me for all they were worth.

I looked helplessly at the deputy who just grinned at me and said "Looks like we know where I stand, they seem to like you." as he chuckled and walked off.

Now what do I do? I had to pick up Mark's wife and take her to the hospital and the children needed to be checked out as well, not to mention someone would have to speak with them about what happened.

We needed to check to see if they were alright, physically, or had suffered any injuries from abuse, which, considering what was going on a short time ago, was a distinct possibility, then the detectives would want to speak in depth with them, about the events of the day.

I headed over to the car with the children in it, and noticed all of their eyes locked onto me and what I had in my arms.

I went over and opened the door and had 4 very frightened little faces staring back at me. 2 boys about 7 and 9 and 2 girls about 5 and 8. I just looked at them for a moment, and then said, "Hi, my name is Tom and you're safe now, no one is ever going to hurt you again, do you understand? I know this is very hard and scary for you right now, but we are all here to help you and I will make sure you are taken care of, okay?"

They just looked at me and didn't say anything.

I noticed my two had turned their heads and were watching their brothers and sisters intensely, when the little girl, who appeared to be about 8, asked me "Is our momma okay?"

I looked at her and the others, and my heart broke, seeing them there looking so forlorn and lost.

I had to fight back tears as I spoke to her, in an attempt to answer her, my voice choking, I asked, "What is your name sweetheart?"

"Andrea" she replied.

I thought for a moment about how to say this, and then decided.

"Andrea, I want you to listen to me very carefully, I am going to tell you the truth, and I want you to understand that I will never lie to you about anything. That means that sometimes the truth will hurt, but I will always tell it to you. Do you understand?"

She nodded her head and asked "Is our momma dead?"

I took a deep breath and replied, "Listen to me guys, your mommy was hurt very, very badly. I am afraid at this point we haven't gotten any news about how your mom is doing, but you need to know that as bad as she was hurt, she might not be okay. When she left here, her heart had stopped beating and the paramedics were beating it for her to keep her alive until they could get her to the hospital. They are doing everything in the world they can to help your momma and if there is any chance at all to save her life, they will find it and make her well again, but you need to know that they might not be able to do that."

I watched as tears had started rolling down all their faces as I spoke. I couldn't help it as mine started falling as well.

I soon had 4 kids trying to climb into my lap with the two who were already there, all seeking comfort for what couldn't be comforted.

Finally they seemed to recover a bit and Andrea asked what was going to happen to them now.

I told her "Well honey, I am going to talk to you a little bit and then we are going to take you down to the hospital so the doctors can check you all out, and make sure you are okay."

They all looked apprehensive at that statement, so I tried to reassure them, "Look, with everything that has happened, we need to make sure you are all okay, that you aren't hurt. I imagine this isn't the first time one of you has been hurt by your dad, so we have to make sure you aren't hurt now. The doctors won't hurt you; they will just look you over real good."

They still didn't look like they liked the idea very much but most noticeably when I had said it probably wasn't the first time their dad had hurt them they all had started nodding their heads.

I almost lost it again when that happened, they acted like they were used to it and I realized that sadly, they probably were.

I recovered a bit and asked them their names and how old they were.

They were all sitting around me now except my two little ones and Andrea seemed to take charge and said "I'm 8 and my sister's name is Beth and she's 5." She pointed to the younger of the two boys and said "his name is Randy and he's 6" then pointed at the oldest and said "he's Sean and he just turned 9."

I looked at all of them and said "Well, it's nice to meet all of you; do you know who the other boy was that was in your house?"

Andrea looked at me with a strange look and said "that was Eric, Sean's little brother."

I looked at her, a bit confused, because she made it seem like I should have known about him but she then added, "They're like them."

I asked her, "Like them, you mean twins?"

She nodded her head so I said "Okay, that explains who you all are, are there any more of you or is this it?" I asked, smiling a little.

She smiled up at me shyly and told me this was all of them. Now came the hard part, asking them what happened.

I looked at them and said "I know this will be a bit hard for you, but can you please tell me what happened this morning, at least a little bit?"

Things got very quiet as they all looked down at their feet giving occasional furtive glances at each other.

Sean seemed the most scared of all and I started to wonder just what had happened.

"Look, I promise, no one is going to get into trouble for telling me anything but I need to know what happened. You aren't in any trouble and I won't be mad about anything but I really need you to tell me, okay?"

More shuffling, and Sean looked to be terrified by this time.

I moved my arm around him and he tried to pull away as I held on tightly saying, "Hey, what is it, honey? You don't have to be afraid of me or anything ever again, remember I told you, you're safe now. Talk to me, I won't get angry or upset or anything, we just have to know how this all started, please tell me."

During my speech I noticed Andrew looking intensely at me and when I finished he looked at Sean and surprised me by telling him, "Sean, its okay, you can tell him."

Sean looked up at him and stared at him intensely for a minute and then relaxed and started speaking.

All the other children seemed to relax when Andrew said that as well, and they were all looking at Sean and I now, as Sean started to speak.

"Well me and Eric was up in our room with the twins and Randy was still asleep.

He looked down again and I reached over and lifted his chin up telling him "Don't be afraid."

He looked at me and said I would probably hate him after, and I told him that wouldn't happen.

He looked at me for a moment and then continued. "Well, the twins were kinda playing, you know" the way he said playing I kind of did but before I could say anything Andrew piped up "with our pee-pees" which caused all of us to chuckle a bit.

Sean blushed a little but continued, "Yeah they were playing with their things and stuff and me and Eric was watching and stuff and umm well ah ours, kind a, of, ah, I mean, well they sort of got that way too and ummm" he couldn't continue so I said "Let me guess, you and Eric got hard and started playing with yours too?"

He nodded his head as I continued, "Did you and Eric start playing with each others?"

To which he again nodded his head. I took his chin and told him, "Listen to me; what you and your brother were doing as well as the twins is perfectly normal and natural and there is nothing wrong with it. Do you understand me? There is nothing wrong with it at all."

He looked at me with a look of almost wonder in his eyes as he said "Really?" I nodded my head yes and said "Yes, really."

You could see his whole body relax and then he continued with his story.

"Well, we was playing and we didn't hear my dad come in and he started screaming and calling us things and then mommy came in and they started fighting with each other. Eric grabbed the twins and hid them in the closest and I got Randy out of the room but when he saw Eric getting away he like, went crazy and started chasing us. We got to the living room and he came out and started hitting us, I got away but he grabbed Eric and started punching him in the head and stuff." He had tears running down his face by this time and I realized I did too as he went painfully on.

"I jumped on him but he threw me off and mom came in and tried to get him off of Eric. He hit her and she fell down. She got the phone and then Eric fell and didn't move. He kicked Eric and mom pushed him off of Eric and he started hitting her. She kicked him in the balls and he fell down too. He said he was going to kill her and his faggot sons too. Then he got up and ran away and we thought it was over. We went over to mom and she said the policemans were on the way and would help us and then he came back and he had a knife. Andrea saw him first and screamed. Mom pushed us away and told us to run, then she turned and tried to stop him. He, ah he..." Then he broke down sobbing and couldn't continue.

I pulled him to me and held him, just whispering over and over again that it was going to be okay.

Andrea picked up the story, crying softly, as she began. "He stuck the knife in her again and again, he took the phone and threw it against the wall and mommy wasn't moving or talking anymore. He just kept sticking the knife in her and we was all screaming and stuff. It was like he forgot us or something cause he all of a sudden looked up and just looked at us. We knew he was going to do it to us next and then he got up and came at us with the knife. That's when the policemans came in and told him to stop and he hurt the policemans and the other policemans shot him."

We all just sat there for a bit, me holding them as they worked through this latest round of tears, before I finally told them we had to get going and got them loaded up in the car.

I let the sheriff know what I had learned and that I was taking them to the hospital and then notified dispatch that I had the kids and was going to pick up Mark's wife on the way to the hospital.

I headed out and picked up Mark's wife before going on to the hospital where a nurse took her to be with Mark.

I sat the kids down and found a nurse. I told her what needed to be done and asked about mom and the brother. She said the brother would be fine in time but had a possible fracture to his skull, several broken ribs, and a broken arm from the beating.

I asked again about the mother and she just looked at the kids before looking at me with tears in her eyes.

"No, please no, they don't need that on top of everything else." I said to her.

She just looked at me and said "I'm sorry she was severely injured, they tried everything they could but….."

I just nodded my head and got control of myself before turning back to the kids.

The nurse had told me that she would take care of them and I let her know I would check in on them later so all I needed to do was say goodbye for now, there would be units remaining here to keep an eye on everyone.

Eric was asleep so I didn't want to disturb him but definitely wanted to see him later.

I finally turned around to go back to the kids but was shocked to see them huddled together crying amongst themselves.

What had happened now? They couldn't have heard us; I had made sure of that. I went over to them and had 6 kids all swarm me with wanting to be held.

I kept asking what was wrong when Randy said brokenly "Mommy's dead" leaving me quite shocked, how did they know?

I just looked at them and finally told them, "I know baby, she was just too badly hurt, they did everything they could but just couldn't save her, she is in heaven now watching over all of you, remember that."

We all sat there for a while and just cried until they calmed down somewhat and the nurse came to get them.

I told them goodbye and that I would check on them later.

They wanted to know what would happen to them now and I told them that someone from social services would be coming to take care of them. I also told them that Eric was going to be okay but had some broken bones and would probably be in the hospital for a while and they were glad to hear that bit of news.

They didn't want me to go but I really needed to leave, I was becoming too attached to them and it was beginning to tear me apart."

I wished there was some way I could take all of them home with me but I knew it was impossible.

In just such a short time they had managed to worm their way into my heart and I knew I had to distance myself from them before it became even worse for them, and for me.

As I finished thinking this, I looked up to see the twins staring intently at me. I shook my head at the sudden thought that entered my mind that they knew what I was thinking about and looked on at all of them sitting there, little Adam and Andrew the cuddle bunch, Beth the quiet one, Randy, and Andrea the bold, coming finally to Sean.

How could anyone do this to such sweet innocent children, I just didn't understand it, not only that but a couple of days before Christmas which was supposed to be the best time of year for a child.

I stood quickly and then was surprised when Randy, followed by the others, came up for hugs. I said a few words to them that they were going to be okay and such then had to turn away quickly as I could no longer hold back the tears that had started falling down my cheeks.

I quickly left the ER and went to my unit where I just sat there crying thinking about them and what was in store for them.

There was no way they would be kept together, not with seven of them, they would be split up and what they had left of their family would be destroyed.

It was so unfair but then again I guess life was that way, I thought to myself as I tried to pull myself together.

I just couldn't understand my reaction, I had been dealing with kids for a while now, and that included abused, neglected and abandoned kids, yet while it always tugged at my heart and I hated seeing any child hurt or in pain, it had never hit me like this, I just couldn't understand it.

I think I loved them and I had only just met them, but when Andrew and Adam had looked at me and climbed into my arms something had clicked and it was there.

Somehow, someway, I loved these kids, every one of them.

I headed out and went 10-8 and was advised that a case worker from social services had called and wanted me to call her back. I was only a few minutes from their office so I had dispatch call them to see if she was available for me to drop by.

She was and I headed over there advising dispatch that I was 10-10 when I got there.

I went inside and was directed to an office where I met a lady about 30 years old who introduced herself as Jenny Martin.

She asked me about the situation with the children letting me know that she was going to be heading over to the hospital in a few, but wanted to talk with me first about the whole thing.

I explained what had happened along with everything the children had told me about the situation and what led up to the fatal events.

She asked a few questions and then told me what I had already figured out, there was no way that she could place all of them together especially with this kind of short notice not to mention it being just before Christmas.

She said that she would try her best to keep as many of them together as she could but there was absolutely nothing she could do.

I told her that the separation would kill these kids right now with everything they had been through and that these kids only had each other and what they had done for one another when the father had attacked them.

I told her that they had to be kept together.

I just about begged her to do something, anything as long as she didn't separate them.

She just looked at me sadly and said "They have really gotten under your skin haven't they?"

I just nodded.

"It happens in this line of work, you try and try to not let it happen but sooner or later some boy or girl comes along and does what you have been guarding yourself against for so long. You try even then to not let it happen but it's like nothing you do can stop it." She said with a far away look in her eyes, I knew she wasn't just saying this but reliving it.

She continued softly, "It happened to me about 2 years ago, a little girl and her brother. All the kids I have seen, all the tears I have cried alone at night when I got home from work, all the effort I have put into keeping the wall there and high, it went out the window in less than 5 minutes with those two."

The look changed to one of sweet remembrance as she went on "I couldn't tell you why either, it was just another call, check the welfare of, so I went to their house. I got there and was met by a woman who was quite antagonistic with me, so much so that I played along and went back to my car and requested police backup. When they got there we went in over her objections and found the kids and a lot more as well. It seems she sold them for money to buy drugs, they were only 3 and 4 years old and they had been," she had to stop for a moment to collect herself and then raggedly went on "they had been used, sexually, both of them. With all that had happened they were still such sweet little things. As bad as they had it the boy came up and wrapped his arms around me and gave me a hug, the little girl did the same thing after a moment. I had to leave because I just lost it at that point. It was too much, they were naked so they would be ready for anyone who stopped by and the evidence was very clear as to what had been done to them, even with all that, they were still so loving. I just lost it. I guess I sort of blacked out for a minute because the next thing I remember is being on top of the mother with my hands around her throat and the officers trying to pull me away from her but not being able to get me to release my grip. Her face had turned purple and all I could think of was to kill this woman. They finally got me off of her; I guess I came back to some semblance of sanity or something because I let her go.

They had to perform CPR to save her and I almost went to jail until the officer who had overheard and saw what the children had been through informed his partner at which point it made him sorry that he had saved her. We took the kids down to the ER where they were examined and everything was confirmed and documented. The kids wouldn't let go of me, they clung to me as if I were a life preserver and they were drowning. Finally it was over and they had been given a bunch of tests for STDs, shots and prescriptions to combat anything they might have contracted as a precaution and we headed out to a foster home. I had told them what was going to happen to them and that they would be safe and with someone who would care for them. They didn't really react much to it until after we got to the home and I tried to leave. They totally went nuts and wouldn't let go. I spent over an hour getting them calmed down enough for me to get out of there and it tore my heart in little pieces for every minute of that time. All I wanted to do was scoop them up and take them home with me but of course you can't do that. When I finally left there with promises that I would return the next day they were still crying and for that matter so was I. I went home that night and was completely miserable all night; I don't think I slept more than 5 minutes the whole night. All I could think about was the two of them and how much I loved them. I know it sounds crazy, what with only knowing them for a few hours, but it was like it was destined to happen, we were meant to be together or something, these were my kids. Crazy huh," she sighed.

"I went back the next day to check on them and I wasn't even out of my car and onto the sidewalk when I had an armful of two little balls of kid. It was the best feeling in the world let me tell you when they jumped into my arms; it felt as if they belonged there and always had. It had been like something that had been missing was now in place where it always should have been. I took them inside and couldn't get them to let go while the foster mother explained that they had been crying and begging for me since I had left the day before. I spent quite a while with them there that day before I could leave and once again we all left crying. The foster mother followed me out to the car and told me point blank that I should take them with me that they had attached to me and they needed me. I told her I knew that and got in my car and went back to the office. What I hadn't told her was that I needed them too. I started the paperwork and informed my supervisor of what I was planning to do. She wasn't happy about it but she could see that I was serious. By the end of the day I went back and picked them up. It was the happiest moment of my life when those two little bundles of energy jumped into my arms again. I vowed at that moment that I would never let them go."

She had such a warm look on her face as she spoke and then she reached over on her desk and turned a large picture frame around showing various snap shots of two little kids as she told me "I have had them ever since, the adoption became final 18 months ago and they are mine as much as if I bore them. I got a reprimand in my permanent file for not following proper procedures with them and a suspension to boot but I also got my kids."

She looked at me and told me "So I do understand what has happened with you but I'm afraid there is nothing I can do, I'm so sorry."

I just sat there for a few moments and then without thinking told her "I'll take them, all of them."

I don't know what prompted me to say that but I knew it was the right thing to do with every ounce of my being just as soon as the words left my mouth.

She just looked at me; sadly it seemed, before asking "Are you married?" "No" I replied.

She then told me "Look I'll tell you the realities of the situation, you are a single male who wants to adopt 7 kids. It isn't going to happen, no ju…."

I interrupted her "Listen to me I am a police officer, hell I'm the chief of a department that deals with kids all day long, I have more than enough money and a huge house with plenty of room for them. Why shouldn't I be able to take them in? They need a home so badly and…and…I need them as well" I ended softly

She just looked at me.

"Look it would take months to do all the paperwork and background investigations, add the required classes and certifications you would need and then after all that you would only be able to foster them if they even approved you. As I was trying to say before no judge will let you as a single man adopt them. I'm really sorry, but that is the reality of the thing. If you got through all the BS to get certified as a foster parent, even then without the adoption the kids could be taken from you at any time and there is not even a guarantee that you would get all 7 in the first place. That's assuming they would even certify you as a foster parent and there is no guarantee of that. They have a bias against single males and God forbid if you were gay and I don't want to know so don't tell me, even then getting certified would be problematical although I could probably, and I emphasize the word probably, get that through eventually but it would take time, maybe even longer than normal, which is long enough trust me."

I just looked at her, conflicting emotions no doubt battling for supremacy across my face as I tried to formulate a response.

Finally I said "But, I mean how can they deny a home that would keep all of them together, a single man or not I could give them love and a place where they could all be together?

Please, I mean isn't there like an emergency placement you can make, you know making me a foster parent temporarily to cover this?"

I knew I was almost begging and the pity on her face was evident and if I didn't know how much she cared I probably would have lost my temper but she did care, it was the system that didn't.

She looked at me sadly as she told me "Tom it's called an emergency certification and it can only be used in a few, a very few, limited circumstances and I am sorry to tell you that this doesn't come close to any of them. Even if it did, the certification would probably be overturned in short order as improper for the reasons I stated earlier. Not only that, but you would still have to go through everything with no guarantee about anything. I'm sorry but it's just not possible."

I just stared numbly at her.

I had gone from trying to distance myself from them to deciding with every fiber of my being that I wanted them with me forever and now after accepting that fact, I was being told I couldn't have them.

It was just too much.

I looked at her and felt tears running down my face. "There must be something that can be done, please."

She knew how I felt and it was obvious it was tearing her up inside but there really wasn't anything she could do, I realized.

She sadly said, "Tom, I will try to do the best I can with them. Unfortunately the choices are a group home or foster homes. I might be able to only split them into two groups if I'm lucky but there is no way to keep them together. It's going to be difficult to find a place for them at all right now with it being the holidays."

I looked at her blankly and she explained. "For a time when children are supposed to take priority over all, our caseload goes through the roof."

I nodded; I suppose it made sense in a way. The holidays are usually the most stressful time of year for people. Everything goes up, such as suicide, spousal abuse, and apparently child abuse as well, along with drinking and drug use which contributes greatly in the aforementioned problems.

"I can probably get them into a group home together, but that would only be temporary, as policy dictates that we move them into foster care as soon as possible, at that point they would be split up."

"Look Jenny, I'm telling you they can't survive that. They need each other. They have to be kept together."

She just looked at me and finally said, "We should be getting to the hospital."

I knew she was trying to end this as I wasn't letting it go, but I couldn't and she knew it.

About that time my cell rang and it was the ER telling me that the kids were just about finished with their work-ups and could I please come back, as they had been asking for me, or rather demanding me which I relayed to Jenny, who told me she would follow me over.

When I got to the ER, I had no sooner hung up the mic and stepped out of my patrol car than I had a flock of kids heading for me with hospital gowns flying out behind them like capes and several nurses running along behind screaming for them to get back inside.

I didn't know how they knew I was here, but the feeling that encompassed me was indescribable as I knelt down and was swarmed in a massive hug by six sweet little angels all telling me that they were so happy I had came back.

When I could catch a breath and get them to calm down slightly I noticed 3 nurses standing there looking at us and trying to keep frowns on their faces even though their eyes were filled with tears.

I then realized that they weren't the only ones with tears in their eyes.

I slowly stood up with Andrew and Andrea on each hip with the others attached to whatever other part of my body they could find a grip on and noticed that Jenny was there and had witnessed this.

The look on her face was a mixture of love, tenderness, and pity and I knew all too well why.

I slowly shepherded them back inside with the nurses leading the way and them all the while asking if they had to go back in there and would there be more tests and a thousand and one other questions.

I tried to prioritize the answers as best I could and finally got them to a small family room where we all went inside.

The nurses started to leave us when Sean suddenly said "Eric!" and bolted for the door with all the others running after him.

The nurses started chasing them with Jenny and I following quickly behind. I had no idea what was going on but just hoped Eric was alright.

Sean was his twin after all and I had heard stories that one twin could feel what the other felt.

They were heading into the emergency room proper and a nurse tried to block their way yelling at them that they couldn't be in here when they all twisted around her and left her standing there talking to thin air.

We caught up with them in a room where they had all disappeared into, to find them either on the bed or gathered tightly around it.

In it was Sean's twin slowly waking up.

I said softly, "They knew" and Jenny looked at me strangely.

Eric was waking fully and was looking around rather confused so I walked over to him and the kids parted to let me in, gathering around me once I was up against the bed.

"Hey little man, how are you feeling? My name is Tom and you must be the famous Eric I have heard so much about."

He looked at me with a frightened look and then turned to stare at Sean for a moment or two.

I could swear it almost seemed like they were communicating somehow.

Eric then turned his gaze to Andrea followed by the twins and then briefly to the rest of the children before looking back to me and saying shyly "Hi".

Whatever had taken place caused him to be much more relaxed and the frightened look was gone from his face.

I looked towards Sean and the rest of the kids and got pure angelic innocent looks in return, yea right, before looking back to Eric.

I asked "How are you feeling, little one." to which he replied, "Okay I guess, but it hurts" I looked to the nurse before asking him what hurt.

He said "My head and arm and here" pointing to his chest and stomach.

I took a deep breath and told him that he had been hurt in those places but that he was going to be okay.

The nurse came over and interjected. "He has 3 cracked ribs, a broken arm, and a probable concussion but he is going to be okay."

I asked him "Did you hear that, you are going to be fine, you are going to have to wear a cast for a while on your arm but you are going to be okay."

He looked at me for a moment and then asked how he had been hurt when suddenly he stopped and a look of terror came across his face.

I realized he was remembering exactly who had hurt him so I quickly said "Eric, Eric, listen to me, Eric listen, he CAN'T hurt you anymore, do you understand, HE CAN'T HURT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE AGAIN do you understand me. He can't hurt you ever again sweetheart."

I watched as the panic slowly receded from his face and I repeated that he, his brothers and sisters were safe now.

He had grabbed me initially and was holding on for dear life with his one good hand.

I was bent over, slowly stroking his face and head as I whispered it over and over again. "You're safe now, you're safe now, you are all safe now, he can't hurt you anymore.

The repeated mantra seemed to be getting through as he slowly relaxed and calmed to my voice.

I just stood there everything else forgotten as he came down from his panic. Then his next words shattered the calm that had been attained.

"Where's momma?"

My breath caught and I quickly glanced at the other children. Sean, Andrea, and Randy started crying and had looked down.

Adam who was in Eric's lap wrapped himself around his chest gently while Beth and Andrew who were also in the bed wrapped themselves on whatever part was available.

Eric looked up at me and I took a deep breath as I felt tears falling down my face.

I gently said to him "Eric, honey, there is no easy way to say this, but he hurt her too badly. Your momma went to heaven."

He looked at me blankly for a moment, I think he knew from the moment the kids had reacted, but he didn't want to believe it.

He said in a completely flat voice "She's dead" and I nodded as I told him "Yes, I'm so, so sorry honey but yes."

The tears had started flowing as he said that and I just held onto him as they came more and more until it seemed as if the floodgates had been opened and great racking sobs shook his small frame.

In time, much time, the floodgates seemed to ease and slowly close with the tears and sobs slowing greatly.

I grabbed a tissue and wiped his face just repeating what I had been saying for some time now. "It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay."

I don't know if the words meant anything to him at that point and I would guess probably not, but the repeated whispering as I cradled him to me did get through and he calmed as the first of the storms passed through and went on.

I knew there would be others but for now he was okay.

Finally I turned and introduced Jenny to the kids and them to her. They were a bit apprehensive at first but soon warmed to her.

We spent several hours not doing much except loving them and reassuring them.

Lots of hugs and kisses all around and Sean especially seemed to latch onto me during that time.

Then the inevitable question came up, "What's going to happen to us now?" And I was left not knowing just how to answer it.

I decided to just tell them the truth.

"Well guys, first of all you all are going to be safe from now on, you don't ever have to worry about someone hurting you again. If anyone tries you come to Jenny or I and tell us right away no matter what. No one has the right to hurt you. Jenny is going to take you someplace safe where you will live from now on with people who care about you and will love you."

They all looked at me and I felt a lump in my throat as I just knew what the next question was going to be.

It was.

Little Beth looked up at me and said "Can we live with you; we want you to be our daddy now?"

I looked at her and held out my arms and she climbed up into them.

I didn't know how to say this without hurting them and then realized that no matter what I said it was going to hurt them.

"Baby girl listen to me for a second, all of you. There is nothing more in this world that I would like than to take you home…."

When a voice filled with anger broke in, it was Sean

"BUT, its but isn't it. You don't want us and you're not going to take us are you?" There were tears running down his face and the others had started crying as well.

Only the twins were looking at me and not crying and they didn't have a look of betrayal, shock and anger on their faces like the others did.

I didn't have time to think about it as Sean angrily continued, "We thought you cared but you don't, you lied to us" he had been approaching me and now launched himself at me fists flailing and screaming over and over again "You lied to us, you lied to us" as he struck out in his pain.

I didn't even feel the blows as he struck my face and chest.

I was crying and reached out to hold him but he would have none of it. I could barely say the word "No" so softly that no one could hear me.

Jenny was trying to pull him off of me and my heart was shattering in a million pieces. Jenny was screaming for help and Sean kept raining blows down on me.

I didn't care anymore, I couldn't help them and by letting them get attached to me I had caused this pain.

I couldn't see clearly and realized that I was bleeding but I didn't care anymore, I deserved it.

All I could see was the accusation in their looks as I told them I wouldn't be there for them.

The hurt, the betrayal, the knife I had plunged into each of their hearts when they had already been through so much.

Jenny finally knocked him away from me and others came into the room I think but I didn't care.

I got up and staggered almost blindly out the door and ran down the hall blood and tears blurring my vision.

I vaguely heard someone calling my name but paid it as little attention as I did the shocked stares of the people taking sight of me in my flight.

I made it to my rig and climbed in blindly starting the engine and pulling out of the entrance way.

I drove around for God knows how long in a daze all I could see was the look in their eyes. What I had done to them was as bad as what their father had done.

No, worse, as I had given them hope, and then taken it away again. I will never, ever, be able to forget that look.

It will haunt me to my dying day. How could I have done this to them?

I berated myself for hours and finally realized that I was sitting in my driveway and I had no idea how long I had been there.

I slowly got out of the car and went inside. The clock said it was almost midnight. I went upstairs and robotically started getting undressed heading into the bathroom.

I finally got a look at myself in the mirror and thought that I deserved everything there, and then some.

Sean had done a number on my face alright.

There were cuts and bruises galore, my lips were split open and I had earlier had a bloody nose.

There was a lot of blood but I just didn't care.

I stepped into the shower and just blanked out, then the next thing I remember is when I came to, sitting on the floor of the shower with the hot water running over me.

I slowly got up and staggered out to dry myself off and that's the last thing I remember until the next day, although I later found out that I had called dispatch and told them I wouldn't be in the next day at least.

When I woke the next morning in my bed, I was disorientated and a bit confused until it all came rushing back and then the tears came once again. I just laid there and cried until there was nothing left to cry, although the sobs still racked my body.

The picture of their faces and their eyes staring at me in shocked hurt and betrayal was all I could see and I couldn't get that picture out of my mind.

What had I done? Oh God, what have I done to those poor kids?

I hated myself with a passion for subjecting them to even more pain after everything they had been through.

I didn't get up at all except when I had to use the restroom and then I crawled back into my hole.

The phone rang and rang but I didn't answer it.

Someone rang the doorbell and banged on my door but again I didn't answer it.

Not that morning, not that afternoon and not later in the evening when someone was screaming my name while banging on my door.

I fell into a fitful slumber finally, waking periodically to cry some more, and then sleep again.

I had spent the day doing that and now the night as well.

I woke sometime around midmorning feeling as badly as before. I couldn't live like this, with what I had done and especially after being whole and now ripped apart and empty.

If what happened next hadn't happened, I think I might have ended the pain before long, for good.

I got up slowly feeling as if I was a hundred years old and staggered to the bathroom to take care of necessities and then staggered back to my bed.

I had just made it to the bathroom when a voice called out "Hey Tom are you up here?" followed by a young boy of about 11 walking into my bedroom.

"Oh there you are" he stated as he stopped and stared at me.

To say I was shocked was an understatement, here I was standing in the doorway to my bedroom from the bathroom stark naked and there was a little boy who I had never seen before standing there in front of me staring at me or more specifically his eyes seemed to be staring at one part of me a bit more than the rest, a part that hadn't fully gone down I might add from its usual morning condition.

I managed a very articulate response to this scene. "Uuhhh."

He looked at me and said "You are Tom aren't you?"

I nodded my head and managed to say " ummm yea and who the hell are you and how did you get in my house, hell what are you doing in my house anyway?"

I saw him gulp and then he said "Ah I'm Chris"

But when he saw the complete blank look on my face, his turned kind of white and he continued "Oh shit my dad forgot to tell you didn't he? Oh man I am so sorry, he forgets things sometimes."

He was looking at me expectantly and I was starting to get annoyed which I think he saw in my face as he took a step back.

I sort of growled at him again, "Who are you, what are you doing in my house and how did you get into it in the first place."

Now he was scared and he rapidly spit out "I'm Chris and I'm supposed to stay with you and the door was open." All in one breath.

I decided to take a deep breath before I took out all my pain on this child and told him, "Look Chris, I don't know who you are or why you think you should be staying with me but you are mistaken. We'll sort this out in a little while, right now I am going to take a shower and get dressed. I want you to go downstairs and wait for me and I will be down afterwards and we will sort this all out. okay?"

He just looked at me and nodded his head before running out of the room. Great, just friggin great.

I was not in the mood for company and certainly not a child right now which got me to thinking about 7 other children, which got me to crying again as I went back into the bathroom and got into the shower.

I pulled myself together, or at least the appearance of together, and finished my shower, got dressed and headed downstairs to sort this mistake out.

When I got downstairs, I smelled the aroma of breakfast and realized I was quite hungry.

I went into the kitchen to discover Chris setting scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and juice on the table.

He gave me a nervous smile and said, "I thought you might be hungry so I…" and trailed off shifting nervously and shuffling his feet as he dropped his eyes.

I couldn't take out my problems on this little guy so I said "Wow this looks great, you didn't have to do all this, thank you."

He looked up at me with a huge smile on his face as I told him to grab a seat and join me.

We started eating and after a while I asked him to explain this whole thing to me so I could understand what was going on.

He looked at me and started, "Well my dad had some business to do and said he was going to have me stay with an old friend, you, and he would be back tomorrow to pick me up. He said he was going to call you and let you know but I guess he forgot, sorry."

Well what now?

"Just who is your dad anyway?"

He looked at me and said "Bill, Bill Forester."

My God, Bill Forester, I hadn't seen him or even spoken with him in years. It had to be over 15 years since I last spoke with him. He was one of my best friends when I was a kid, we had done everything together but as time went on we had seemed to grow apart. God did that name bring back memories.

My reverie was broken up by a voice saying, "Do you remember him? He said he hadn't talked to you in a long time."

I nodded, and smiled fondly as I told him "Oh yes I remember him, he and I were best friends when we were your age, and he is right, we drifted apart over the years after we had grown up and I haven't seen or spoken to him in a long, long time. So I am at a loss how did you end up here?"

He looked at me and said "Well, dad is looking for a job and had an interview and since I didn't want to go and be bored all day watching my brothers he said he would let me stay with you until he got back, only I guess he forgot to mention it to you huh?"

I chuckled a bit and told him "Its okay, don't worry about it. I'm glad to have you here" and as I said it I realized it was true.

"You have to understand though your dad would forget his di…er uh his arm if it wasn't attached to him." I said

He laughed and said "You were gonna to say dick weren't you? And then laughed again. I nodded my head and chuckled; thinking of how forgetful Bill had always been.

"Well muchkin, there were actually a couple times when your dad took a leak and then forgot it was still out when he was done."

This caused Chris to fall off his chair laughing saying over and over again "no, oh no, he didn't."

It was infectious as all I could manage to do was nod my head.

When he had recovered he told me that his dad would be by tomorrow night to pick him up.

I told him that I was sorry that I had missed him when he dropped him off and he had explained how they had rung the bell and knocked on the door and couldn't get an answer but with his dad having to go he had left Chris there until I got home, after a while Chris had tried the door and found it unlocked, so had come in.

We finished up breakfast and put the dishes in the dishwasher and headed into the den where Chris plopped himself down in front of the TV to immerse himself in some kids program or so I thought.

I was thinking what a nice kid he was and that got me thinking about certain other kids which got me feeling like I was going to cry once again.

I was about to get up and go somewhere where he couldn't see me when I heard him ask me "What happened to your face? Did a bad guy do it, dad said you were a cop too, so what happened?"

I just looked at him a moment, how do you tell a child that you did it to yourself so they would understand.

"Chris, I hurt someone, I hurt them very badly in here." I said pointing to my chest "And they were angry for me doing that to them and in their anger they hit me."

He was silent for a minute or so, obviously processing what I said and then asked "How, I mean, what did you do to make them so angry and hurt?"

Whew.

"It's complicated Chris and I'm not sure I can explain it all to you but I'll try, okay?"

He nodded his head and I continued slowly trying to formulate my thoughts into some form of coherence.

"It started a few days ago with a call of a family fight. When we got there the mommy was hurt real bad by the daddy and an officer had been hurt too. Another officer had to shoot the daddy to save their lives. We also found a little boy hurt pretty badly as well. In all there were 7 children there in that house. You have to understand something to understand how I hurt them. Police officers and others who work with kids who have been hurt are trained to, how should I say this, to keep themselves at a distance from the kids who have been hurt. We are taught not to get too emotionally involved with them. That's for both their sakes as well as ours. We see a lot of bad things out there and it would kill us if we let it in here." I said, once again pointing to my chest.

"You can care but you don't get attached, do you understand?" I asked him. He looked at me and slowly said, "I think so, you can care just not a lot?"

"Well something like that. You are supposed to build up a wall, kind of between what is happening and your feelings. So I had my wall, and it was a very good wall, the problem was that these kids went right through it like it wasn't there." I told him

I stared off into space for a minute and continued.

"I did what you aren't supposed to do no matter what, I became attached and I let them become attached to me. I…..I let them in. I decided I wanted to bring them home with me and let them live here so I went to social services and told them. The only thing is they wouldn't let me do it. I knew that the kids would be split up and that they couldn't take that happening, so I begged them to let me adopt or foster them. I loved them but they said no. When I went back to the hospital they asked what was going to happen to them and they said they wanted me to be their new daddy and I had to tell them I couldn't."

Tears were flowing freely down my face and Chris had moved up and cuddled into my side holding me as I continued

"The look in their eyes is something I'll never, ever forget. It was like I was their anchor in the storm and I had just cut them loose to drown in a cold raging sea. Sean…Sean is the oldest and he…he lost it and came at me. He just kept saying over and over again "you lied to us, you lied to us" he also said I didn't care about them and he just started hitting me he was so hurt. It wasn't his fault, Chris; you have to understand that, it was mine for allowing it to happen. It was mine."

Silence reigned for some time before Chris softly said "I bet he didn't mean it Tom, I bet he's sorry about it."

I looked down into his face and saw that he had been crying too.

I sadly told him "He meant it Chris, you weren't there. I betrayed him, them and he meant it."

He looked at me for a moment and then asked "What happened then?"

"I don't know. I left and…and…well I kind of lost it a bit. Today is the first time I have been out of bed since that night, all I have been doing is sleeping and crying and then sleeping some more. I will never forgive myself for what I did to those kids."

He looked at me seriously and there was an angry sparkle in his eyes as he said "You didn't do nothing but love em Tom, that's not your fault. They needed love and you gave it to them. Peoples supposed to love kids and that's all you did. That ain't wrong! It'll never be wrong I don't care what anyone says."

I just looked at him sadly and told him "Honey, you just don't understand, that's exactly what I did and that's what I did wrong. I let my feelings get involved in it and it has made a horrible situation a lot worse by giving these kids hope for something that can't happen."

He just looked at me, daggers shooting from his eyes, and told me "It ain't wrong, they're wrong. You love them and they love you and that's all there is to it. That's what's important. You remember that. And don't forget its Christmas too, my dad always says it's a time for miracles, maybe you'll get one."

Oh God, the certainty that resides in children, the complete innocence and faith that abides within them is truly one of your miracles.

Looking into his eyes which were set with such complete faith and determination that all would work out because it was right that it did, made me miss the time when I felt as he did with a deep sense of loss and regret for that loss.

I couldn't and wouldn't be the one to destroy that faith so I simply told him, "I hope you are right little one."

And ever so softly almost below my hearing I heard the words "I know I am."

We just sat there quietly, not talking.

He just cuddled up against me and having him there saved my sanity I think.

He seemed to know, as children often do, when someone needed some love and Chris gave freely of the one thing that could fill my empty soul, oh not completely and not with the love it so needed, but with love all the same which was almost enough, the love of a child which is miraculous in and of itself.

It definitely woke up parts of me that I had begun to think had shriveled away to nothingness and certainly brought the pain back, but it also let me know those parts of me weren't dead as I had begun to think and almost wish for.

I realized then just how far I had dropped in such a short time and that if Chris hadn't showed up when he did just what I would have done this morning to stop the pain and the emptiness that I was existing in.

I shuddered with the realization as it was something I never thought I could even contemplate, much less approach doing.

Chris was looking at me and I could have sworn he knew but of course he couldn't have.

He just snuggled closer and gave me a big hug before settling down again which was just what I needed right then.

I couldn't believe I had come so close, I hadn't thought about it or planned anything; I just knew I was going to do it, period.

That scared me. A lot.

We spent the day together just sitting and occasionally talking, mostly just holding each other with nothing needing to be said.

It was really strange as most children can't sit still like this and they generally get bored rather easily but not Chris.

He seemed wise and old, way beyond his years and he had this habit of looking at me at times when I would think certain things.

It was uncanny sometimes but him being here was exactly what I needed at this time.

We stayed up late and went to bed finally about 1 in the morning with me saying a final prayer to watch out for my little ones.

Chris slept with me that night cuddled up snugly in my arms.

It is something I would never have thought of doing with a child not my own but somehow it felt right with him.

There was nothing untoward about it either even with his earlier obvious interest.

It was there when we got undressed for bed and he took his time looking again and had the obvious reaction but simply smiled with that twinkle in his eyes before climbing into bed and snuggling up to me.

He pressed himself into me a couple of times before saying goodnight and we drifted off to sleep.

I knew that it could have gone further without any effort on my part but he seemed to know and didn't press it even though I knew he wanted to.

It was a very loving and mature thing to do.

We woke up the next morning and just naturally ended up in the shower together. There again was nothing sexual about it believe it or not.

He simply kept close to me as if he knew I needed the contact.

We washed each other gently not missing anything but surprisingly not becoming aroused either even when we were washing those areas where it would be natural for it to happen.

It was almost like a dream it was so cleansing.

It seemed as if far more than dirt was being washed from my body with his gentle caresses, it was like he was washing me inside as well.

At some point I had started crying, but not the forlorn sobs that had been, but quiet cleansing tears that seemed to wash the worst of the pain and guilt away.

The sadness was still there and the pain, they would be with me always I think but this sweet gentle boy had cleansed my soul and allowed me to go on as I now knew I would.

The thoughts of yesterday were almost like a distant memory now and I knew I would not act upon them now because of him.

I guess miracles do happen because this seemed like one to me brought to me by this little angel who I had only met yesterday.

He looked up at me as he had done on other occasions almost as if he knew what I was thinking and gave me a gentle little smile.

I returned the smile and we stepped out of the shower to dry each other with the same gentleness with which we had washed each other before with not a word being spoken the entire time.

We went downstairs and I made the breakfast this time again in companionable silence.

It was amazing afterwards we found ourselves once again in the den on the couch curled up just as we were yesterday with little being said just cuddling together.

By the time we had gotten up it was noon and now it was almost two as the day before Christmas was rapidly passing us by.

At about 5 Chris suddenly sat up and looked at me which I thought was little strange and then he gave me a big hug.

I was about to ask what that was all about when the door bell started ringing and I heard someone calling my name.

I looked quickly at him but he looked down and wouldn't meet my gaze, then before I could ask him about it he gave me a quick hard squeeze and stood up in one rapid movement saying "You better get that," with a strange tone to his voice.

I looked at him again as I stood and headed for the door.

The pounding had become insistent as I opened it to find Jenny standing there out of breath.

"Jenny, what are you…….."

She interrupted me "Where have you been I've been looking for you, we were all so worried."

Before I could answer she continued

"Tom, I don't know how to say this but…. Sean has run away, we can't find him anywhere."

I just stood there.

Oh my god Sean, in this weather.

"When? How long has he been gone? What is he wearing? Does he have warm clothes? Oh God how did it happen?"

She held up her hand. "Wait, can I come in and I'll explain it all. I motioned her in and introduced her to Chris and Chris to her.

As much as I wanted to run out there and start looking myself we sat down and she started with the explanation.

"I don't know exactly where to begin Tom. That night when…….when everything happened, well, I guess I'll begin after you left. I couldn't get Sean off of you. It was like he was possessed or something. He just kept hitting you and hitting you. Andrew and Adam were screaming at him to stop, crying all the while. The rest were in shock at what was happening. Then Andrea started screaming at him as well followed by Eric but he couldn't hear them. He was completely lost in his rage at what he perceived you had done to them."

She took a breath and went on. It was obvious this was difficult for her.

"I finally couldn't figure anything else out to do but tackle him so I did. We went down and you got up and went out. It was chaos people were flooding the room the kids were screaming and crying. Andrew and Andrea were calling you to come back but it was like you didn't even hear them, you just kept walking. I was trying to hold onto Sean but it was like trying to restrain a wild animal he wouldn't stop fighting me. Several people came over and helped to hold him down. It was complete chaos in there Tom I can't say that enough.

Several kids had tried to go after you but were stopped by adults coming into the room. Finally a nurse gave Sean a sedative and when it took effect I was able to release him. I went running after you but you were gone by then. I came back to the room and had to deal with 6 hysterical children and one who was almost catatonic. Tom they were devastated. Sean attacking you brought up a lot of memories that hadn't even begun to fade much less heal. Couple that with you bleeding and then leaving them along with the news you gave them and they were, God they were a mess. They were scared, scared for you, for Sean and for themselves. It took me over an hour, along with some of the staff to get some semblance of calm restored. Eric kept saying he couldn't talk to Sean and we told him over and over again that it was because of the drug we gave him but he was quite upset anyway. We ended up having no choice but to sedate all of them with mild tranquilizers which knocked them out in short order. No one could reach you; I didn't know what to do."

She took another deep breath and then went on.

"They slept through the night but even sedated their sleep was restless. The next morning when they started to wake up, they were in not much better shape. The doctors and staff were beginning to be quite worried. I explained to them over and over again why you couldn't take them home with you, but it was like they had lost their only anchor in this world."

She paused as her voice choked up and it took her a minute before she could resume her tale.

I knew how she felt and also knew that I had matching tears running down my face to the ones on hers.

When she could, she started again. "They were so sad, Tom, it was scary. It was like all their will to live was gone. They wouldn't eat or talk or anything. They just sat there crying occasionally and asking why you had left them or why I wouldn't let them have you for a daddy. I told them over and over again that you loved them and wanted them but it didn't seem to do any good. All the life had gone out of them. I was really getting scared. Then the worst part happened. Sean woke up. Tom, he woke up and called your name and then sat straight up screamed NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo and collapsed. It brought everyone running into the room."

She stopped and said she needed to get something to drink, and quickly left the room leaving me sitting there stunned and frightened.

Sean and the kids needed me. I had to see them.

I had to see them now.

I stood up and Chris grabbed my hand stopping me. I turned to him "I have to go."

He shook his head and told me "Tom, I know you want to go to them, but you have to hear the rest before you do, you have to."

I started to argue but he interrupted and just said "You have to."

Jenny came back in and stopped, seeing me standing there being held by a small boy. I just looked at him.

I don't know why or how, but somehow I obeyed. I sat down.

She came over and took her seat before starting once again. "Tom, I have never seen anyone look like that. He….Sean, he looked like….Oh God, Tom, it was like looking at a dead person who was still breathing. All life was gone from him; his expression was vacant as if nothing was there. He was ashen, I didn't understand the term really until yesterday when I saw it. All the children were crying and looked stricken and what I hadn't noticed was that Eric had collapsed as well, and was unconscious. The doctors worked on him, but could find nothing wrong with either of them. Andrew said he couldn't stand what he had done. Tom, they couldn't rouse him at all. They even stuck needles in his feet to try to get a reaction but nothing. The doctor said he was in a self induced catatonic state and it might be permanent. Eric, when he woke up, was hysterical and had to be sedated again. The other kids were in a similar state, they had regressed Tom. Soiling themselves, refusing to eat, curling up in a ball wherever they were, and sucking their thumbs. It was…..I have never seen anything like it. All life was gone from them Tom. They brought in psychologists who got nowhere with any of them, except Andrea. Andrea spoke to them briefly and then wouldn't anymore. She…" Jenny had to stop a moment before she could go on then with great difficulty said. "She said in a voice completely devoid of any emotion, 'we want our daddy' and then wouldn't say anything more. The shrinks couldn't figure it out at first what she meant until I explained about you. Then they were full of theories but they all said it was a bad idea to bring you back around them as they had become too attached to you."

I was about ready to go find my gun when I felt a small hand on my arm.

When I looked over I saw Chris with tears in his eyes slowly shaking his head at me.

I don't know how but when I saw his look all the anger drained out of me to be replaced by pity for the doctors who were supposed to be the experts on the mental and emotional well being of people but failed to grasp the most important thing in the world and also the simplest, love.

Jenny looked at me carefully and asked "Are you alright?" I replied "No, but I won't kill anybody, now."

She looked a bit startled at my comment but then said with a small smile

"I would hope not, although I have to tell you that the nurses had to pull me off those stupid sons of bitches, because I was ready to do it myself. I have never heard such a crock of shit in my life. I was beyond mad. It took some doing, but I finally got permission to bring in an old friend to take a look at the children. He got into town this morning and took one look at the children and said to find you, find you now and get you back with these children no matter what it took. He left, and said he would be back tonight with some friends of his who could help the kids, but he wouldn't tell me what he meant just said I wouldn't believe it until I saw it. But Tom, I will tell you one thing, Dan is one of the best, and if he says he can help them then he will, period. Sometime I will tell you about that conversation; it was rather strange, something about a clan of eagles or something like that. He was mumbling about it in between comments about the hospitals' psychologists' parentage."

She chuckled slightly as she recalled the memory, and then went on.

"I spent the next several hours arguing with the staff at the hospital who were going with their own peoples' recommendations, mostly the administrative staff, before pulling some strings and getting it settled. Dan will be handling the kids from now on, and you have permission to be there with them. I am trying to figure out some way for them to stay with you but…….." she trailed off sounding rather unhopeful before continuing

"Tom it was when I got back to the room that I found Sean gone. We searched the hospital and the grounds but couldn't find any trace of him. The others are in even worse shape. All the agencies in the area have been notified, but they haven't had any luck locating him.

Everyone is doing all they can to find him but……." She just looked at me not knowing what else to say.

Yeah but, it was winter and cold as hell and a nine year old boy was out there somewhere alone in it.

Night had fallen, temperatures, which had already been freezing, were dropping even further and a small child was lost out there somewhere.

First of all I was going to my children, screw all of them, they were mine and I wasn't giving up on them.

I got up without a word and headed upstairs to the bedroom where I got my gun, put it in an off duty holster and then found my badge affixing it to my belt.

I also grabbed the radio and a spare holster before heading downstairs again where I got a new charged battery for it.

I went back in the den and said "Let's go" and headed towards the door.

Jenny looked at me with a slightly scared expression on her face before asking "Uh, where are we going?"

I pulled my jacket off the rack, putting it on before turning to answer her. In a tone that was completely flat I replied "To the hospital to get my kids."

Jenny looked frightened, she knew that I was going to do something that I might regret but she also knew she couldn't stop me.

I didn't care anymore.

I couldn't live without them and it didn't look like they could either, furthermore we might have already lost one of them because I didn't have the cujones to stand up and fight.

Jenny thought I was angry but actually while anger might have been there towards myself, mostly it was sadness for the little ones and fear for them as well as Sean.

I was going to make sure they knew I loved them and then somehow I was going to find Sean.

I didn't know how but somehow….

Chris looked at me then walked over to me and said "I have to stay here Tom. My ride will be coming, remember?"

I just looked at him for a moment.

Then I pulled him into my arms telling him "Thank you, thank you for everything. I will always remember you, and love you," before releasing him.

I knew I had tears in my eyes and so did he as he softly said to me "I love you too Tom, remember that and remember its Christmas Eve, the night of miracles, I hope one finds you."

I softly replied "I hope one finds Sean" as I said one final goodbye, and walked out the door to my Suburban.

Jenny got in the other side and I flipped on the lights as I backed out of the driveway and headed towards the hospital.

When I hit the main road I added the siren to it and drove as fast as I safely could.

Jenny, looking a bit white, turned to me and asked "Tom, where have you been since you left the hospital? I called and have been over here several times along with the police and we couldn't find you."

I glanced at her with a shocked expression and told her "I left the hospital and drove around for several hours. I got home around midnight and haven't left since then."

She was shaking her head and then told me "No Tom, you weren't. We have been to your house several times and you weren't there. The police even entered and searched twice and you were nowhere to be found."

I looked at her in disbelief before replying "Jenny, I swear to you that I haven't left the house since I got home that night. Chris showed up the next morning, and I have been there with him until we left a few minutes ago."

She didn't say anything but I could tell she didn't believe me.

I let it drop as we were getting close to the hospital but what she said puzzled me, it just didn't make sense.

I shut off the siren as I approached the hospital and found the ER entrance pulling up into the ambulance bay.

We got out, and I left the car running locking it with my spare control so it would be nice and warm when we got back, and headed inside.

I followed Jenny at that point and she led me inside and with a flash of my badge we got past security and went upstairs to pediatrics.

She led me down the hall, stopping in front of a room and turning towards me saying softly, "They're in here…Tom."

"Its okay" I said, as I walked past her pushing the door open gently.

What I saw, as the door quietly swung open, brought immediate tears to my eyes.

The children were either sitting or lying in various places around the room appearing almost lifeless as they didn't even react to our presence.

It was like nothing mattered anymore and I was the cause of it.

I slowly walked into the room and just stood there unable to move any farther into the room and unable to even speak, as I saw the state they were in.

With everything that had happened to them, nothing had taken their spirit away, yet it was gone now.

It was as if they had given up all hope, and my heart broke standing there seeing it.

As if in a trance, Randy was the first to turn towards me and see me, letting out a small gasp as his eyes came into contact with mine.

As much as my heart had broken seconds ago, now it felt the first rays of hope as a spark burst forth from deep within his eyes.

Andrew then turned towards me as he heard his brother's gasp and froze upon seeing me, disbelief written on his little face.

Then I heard a small whisper, "Tom." and looked towards the one who had spoken.

Andrea repeated my name softly, "Tom." and then "You came back." and simultaneously I had three children launch themselves at me, all crying and trying to wrap their arms around me at the same time.

The other three had jumped up seconds after the first three and quite quickly, I had six kids all trying to become one with me.

All of them were just repeating my name over and over again saying "You came back, you came back" as if they couldn't believe it was real.

I just collapsed on the floor with all of them, holding them, whispering nonsense words to them in an attempt to bring some comfort to them.

There was no time.

It could have been 2 minutes or 2 hours.

There were just my kids and I as everything else faded from my world and concentrated down to those 6 little bodies in my arms.

I don't know how long we sat there but eventually we all calmed down enough to begin thinking coherently once again.

My tears had slowly stopped and then dried as I sat their holding my heart in my arms in six little pieces.

At some point Andrea looked up at me and said "You came back" and I realized it was no longer a statement of almost disbelief but now a question with a great deal more behind it than those simple 3 words would seem to indicate.

I looked at her and held her gaze for a few moments as I realized that there were now 12 eyes focused intently upon me with breath being held in trepidation.

I broke eye contact with her to look at each of the others, locking gazes with them one by one; holding each as I slowly went around them until I came back to Andrea once again.

In each of them, I saw a mixture of fear and hope warring within their countenances, fear that I would leave them, hope that I might not and underlying it all was a sense of desperation.

I knew that they couldn't take it again if I left them which I had no intention of doing, neither could I.

If I had had any doubts existing somewhere buried within my psyche they were gone now. As I looked into each of their eyes I KNEW that I would be there for them forever.

I know it sounds strange since I had decided before I left the house that I was going to take them but now after staring into their eyes there was a connection of some kind that had been solidified into a bond that would and could never be broken.

I was theirs and they were mine, forever.

I looked at Andrea and said, with all the emotions within me put into those three words, "Yes, I did."

There didn't seem to be the need to say anything else as they all relaxed and started breathing again as the tension left their tiny bodies.

All of us started hugging again and the tears once again fell from our faces, this time with relief and joy rather than pain.

I had found what I had so desperately been searching for and they had found what they had so desperately needed.

A family.

Eventually things returned to what you could call normal and the surreal quality left.

Now the questions started and I had to hold up my hand and call a time out to try to get in an answer somehow in the deluge.

Finally when they were quiet I started in trying to explain, "Listen guys, somehow, someway I am taking you guys home. You are going to live with me from now on. That is if you want to."

They all jumped me again wrapping me in hugs and love with choruses of yes and yeah.

"Well then that is what is going to happen. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but you will never be alone again." I said this with tears running down my face.

"I love you."

They all stared at me and then burst into tears hugging me again. I had a chorus of 6 all saying I love you too.

It was the most incredible feeling in the world and decidedly the best in my life, I just wasn't sure whether it was when I said it and realized just how much I meant it, or when I heard them telling me it back.

Either way it filled my soul to its deepest recesses in places I didn't even know were empty with that incredible feeling to the point where I thought I would burst from it.

It was completely overwhelming it was so unexpected.

I relished in it just holding them to me, never wanting to let them go, but I realized that my new family wasn't complete.

We still had a lost pup to find out there somewhere.

As if they could sense my thoughts they all pulled back and looked at me, waiting, somehow knowing.

I looked at them and said, "You all need to find your clothes and get dressed, you are going home with me and then I have one more son to find."

They all stood there staring at me as if they still didn't quite believe it and I couldn't resist teasing them slightly.

"Of course if you want to stay here another night……."

I never got to finish as with a chorus of NOs they all scrambled up and headed for the closet pushing and shoving to be the first to locate their clothes.

I went over and gave Eric a hand getting dressed and softly told him "We'll find him" and he just looked up at me and smiled before wrapping his one good arm around me in a hug.

At that point a nurse walked in followed by the doctor who said "I'm Doctor Turnman what exactly are you doing?"

I told him that we were taking the kids home.

I thought he was going to object but then he surprised me by taking a look at the kids who had frozen upon his entrance in various states of undress and saying "Well, if you're going home, you really should get some clothes on you know." to the consternation of the kids, especially the more undressed of the bunch who blushed a quite pretty shade of red.

He then turned to me and asked me to wait a moment and he would get the discharge papers signed along with aftercare instructions for Eric.

The nurse went with him and they were back just about the time the kids were finishing up.

I was tying the twins' shoelaces when they came back in and as I finished up and turned towards them the doctor handed me a bunch of paperwork and then went on to tell me about the care and feeding for one of my newest animals, he also handed me a bottle of pills and said they were for pain. I am not sure if he meant mine or Eric's.

After all the instructions were given and he made sure I understood them he wished us good luck together and a merry Christmas before turning to the kids and saying with a smile on his face,

"You guys can call me Doctor Leo, okay? Now get on home and take good care of this old guy now ya hear?" which got giggles from the kids.

I looked at my watch and was shocked to realize it was almost 10pm.

We had been there for quite a while.

I herded the lot of them out and to the car where we all got in and headed home minus the lights and siren this time to the disappointment of the children I think.

I wanted to get them home and settled and then I was going out in search of my oldest.

As we pulled into my driveway I told them "Well, we're here. Welcome to your new home."

They were looking around and all their eyes were wide as Andrew looked at me and asked "Is this where you live?"

I leaned over cupping his chin in my hand and holding it while telling him "No honey, this is where WE live."

His face which had started to show shock and some fear, changed to one of delight as they all piled out of the car and headed towards the front door.

I scrambled to get out and get the door open before they broke it down in their eagerness to get inside.

As I got the door open they all rushed inside and suddenly came to a stop. I shut the door and asked what was wrong.

They were all standing there like they were afraid to go any further.

I walked over to them, "What's wrong?" and Beth looked up at me "Are we really going to live here?"

I looked at her and then all of them before saying "Yes you are really going to live here, this is your home now, forever, and then I couldn't resist adding "Unless you don't like it" to which I had 6 voices all yelling no.

I couldn't resist grinning as I led them into the den with Jenny following.

"Why don't you all go explore the house so you get an idea of what its like. We have a lot of stuff to buy for your rooms but there are beds in them right now that will get you through…….."

I was interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

I turned towards the door and heard Eric gasp as I started to answer it. I looked back to see that all the color had drained from his face.

Whatever it was the look on his faced caused my blood to turn to ice as I ran for the door. I pulled it open to find Sean standing there. Somehow, someway he had found my house, and got himself here.

He was blue and barely able to stand, swaying as if a breath of wind would knock him over.

As his glazed eyes found mine he gasped as if it was his last effort and said "I'm sorry…..I…'m sssooorrry" before collapsing forward into my arms.

"Oh God, Sean, JENNY!!!" I screamed as I turned with him in my arms and ran back into the den.

Jenny came running over as I laid him down on the floor. "He's freezing! We have to get the medics out here!"

I started peeling his clothes off of him, as I fumbled to get my radio out. It was then when I noticed he wasn't breathing.

"Oh my God!! He's stopped breathing!"

My world stopped in that instant; all I could think was 'NO, God, please no!'

I said "No Sean, please!" as I bent over him and pinched his nose shut giving him two breaths through his mouth.

It had no effect.

I checked his pulse and he still had one, but it was extremely weak and rapid. He was going to arrest fully any second. I gave him two more breaths as tears streamed down my cheeks and I kept saying over and over again "No, Sean no!"

I got my radio up when I felt someone grab my arm, stopping me.

I don't know if you have ever been in an emergency situation but time seems to slow and your focus becomes "the event" that is taking place.

In this case Sean had become my entire world.

The room and the people in it had faded entirely from my consciousness as I concentrated on my baby and trying to save him.

Now my world had been intruded upon, and it left me confused as I looked up to see what had interfered with saving my boy's life.

What I saw left me even more confused.

Chris was in the process of kneeling down on the other side of Sean's body, and had reached out to stay my hand.

"Chris, but…what are you doing here, you left."

He gently smiled but didn't say anything as he placed his hands on Sean's chest.

He looked at me a moment and said it was going to be alright then he turned his full attention to Sean.

He spoke softly to him telling him "Sean, come on Sean, its not your time, please come back to your daddy, he needs you."

As he said this a glow appeared around his hands extending partway up his arms.

He continued, "Come on Sean, you are needed here and you are very much wanted, come back to us."

The glow had encompassed Sean's whole body now and I just sat there in shock.

I didn't know what to do, but then suddenly I knew somehow, that it was going to be alright.

I had thought that Chris was like an angel, sent to me in my time of need, but I apparently had no idea how right I was, for I could feel the warmth and even more the love emanating from him and filling Sean and the room.

I heard a sharply indrawn breath, and realized that it came from Sean as the glow started to fade from both him and Chris.

Sean's eyes slowly opened and locked on Chris. A smile appeared on his face as he looked at him. Chris gently said "Welcome back, little one."

The smile faded as he turned towards me and looked into my eyes.

He started to speak and I knew what he was going to say so I beat him to it saying "I'm sorry, Sean."

He looked shocked but asked "What for?" and I told him, "For putting you through that."

He looked at me and then said "But I hit you."

I nodded my head and told him "I don't blame you. You were hurting and that was the only way you knew to show me just how much I hurt you."

I reached down and gathered him into my arms crying all the while. He was stiff and I knew he was afraid.

I said to him as I pulled him into me tightly, "I love you, Sean, and I am never going to leave you again, do you understand, never."

He pulled back and looked at me, locking his eyes with mine for a long minute, afraid to believe what I was saying was true, then sobbing and burying himself against me, hugging me with all the strength in his little body.

I felt other arms surrounding us and knew the rest of my family was now joining in this moment.

Sean pulled his head back and looked at his brothers and sisters in wonder before saying almost as if he couldn't believe it.

"You're all here."

Beth looked at me, then Sean before saying, "Uh huh, this is our home now" and ending up back looking at me as if for confirmation.

I just nodded my head at her.

Sean looked around wonderingly at everyone and what parts of the house he could see before turning back to me.

I said gently "That is if you want to live here."

He almost squeezed the breath from my lungs and I am rather sure that there has been some damage done to my hearing as he squealed "YES" loudly enough for the doctor back in the hospital to hear.

I just held him tightly for a minute before I felt him pull away and look up at me with apprehension on his face as he said "But you said you couldn't, that no one would let you have us, how we are going to live here?"

I started to answer "I don't know but you're not going anywhere, that I promise you. Somehow….." and Chris interrupted saying "Here call this number and ask for Teri, she will be able to take care of everything."

I started to ask questions "But who is she, how……….."

He interrupted again smiling at me gently, "Please, Tom, Trust me, call and ask for her. Teri will take care of everything I promise."

I had a million questions, but somehow I knew it was going to be alright.

I didn't know who this Teri person was, but I knew if Chris said it would be alright then somehow, someway it would.

I just looked at him and then said "Thank you, thank you for giving me my life back," I looked around at my new family and then said "In more ways than one."

He smiled and I took him in my arms for one last hug.

Somehow I knew that I wouldn't see him again, don't ask me why, but I knew that this very special gift would not come again.

He stood up and said "Oh, don't be too sure of that." as my mouth dropped open in shock, "You never know when I might pop back up, and there will be other things too. Wait until you meet…" then stopped chuckling before continuing "Well don't want to spoil all the fun now do I." with a big grin on his face.

"I have to go now, got a lot of things to do tonight," with another big grin on his face. Somehow I thought there was something else to that statement.

"Wait, Chris, who are you, really?"

He turned back to me with that big grin on his face and said "Tom, I told you when you I met you, my name is Chris." As a twinkle sparkled in both his eyes. "I have to go now guys," he said speaking to everyone, "Take care of each other and love one another," he said as he turned to go with choruses of thank yous and byes from all the kids.

Slowly a golden glow started to envelope him spiraling around from his feet upwards. We had all stood up and were watching in awe at what was taking place.

As the glow reached his chest he said "Don't forget to call Teri and if she has any questions tell her to ask Mikey."

The glow completely enveloped him and then started to fade as I assured him I would.

Then he was gone and we all just stood there before a disembodied voice rang out, "Damn, almost forgot the most important thing" to be followed by a boys' young laughter.

A glow appeared across the room and when it dissipated there were a ton of presents sitting under a beautifully decorated Christmas tree.

Somehow I knew they would be for the kids, Christmas was tomorrow and I hadn't been able to get them anything.

I couldn't believe it, an angel who not only saved my life and gave me one as well, but brought presents.

No one will ever believe it, but I really didn't care, I had what was important to me right here.

I started to speak when I heard a strange noise.

"What the…" and headed outside with everyone following me.

There was something on the roof and to my utter shock what I saw next left me completely stunned.

It couldn't be

I mean it's not possible. No way.

It just wasn't feasible. It was a…….

I mean its not…………. Oh God.

I stood there as what appeared to be a sleigh pulled by reindeer took off from my roof. I finally got out.

"It can't be, I must be seeing things."

Little Beth said "Don't be such a silly 'Goos' daddy, it's Santa Claus."

I know I looked silly standing there with my mouth going open and closed again and again trying to think up some response, but a 'Goos', nah I thought when Andrea chimed in with

"Daddy, you doooo remember what his real name is dooooon't you?" she said with the sweetest grin and most devilish look imaginable in her eyes.

I looked at her, then the others and……noooo…it couldn't be.

That would mean that…….and then I heard a screech and turned quickly to see a group of people, no, wait, children, with a man, walking up the path towards us and what seemed to be a bird or something on one of the children's shoulders.

Jenny started towards them greeting the man with "Hi Dan…." before she was interrupted by sleigh bells jingling and a voice echoing through the night from a sleigh riding high across the night sky…………

HO! HO! HO! AND

MERRRRRRRRRY CHRISTMAS!

And I softly replied "Merry Christmas, Chris…………… and thank you."

I hope that all of you reading this enjoyed the story. It is not meant to be continued, not that poor Tom can survive many more surprises anyway. J I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas and wish you all a very Happy New Year.

Updated Author's notes:

Well there it is and I hope you enjoyed it as I said above last year.

After it was all said and done Darryl got me to thinking and several inside references and jokes were added since I finished the story.

If you have read TSS, DE, HAS, HAVEN, CSU and such you'll get them but if you haven't you should have and I'm sorry cause you're missing some great stories and none of those references will mean anything to you.

Since I couldn't say this before it started or give it away to those authors involved

All characters from other stories belong to their respective authors and I make no claim upon them whatsoever. This includes Str8mayb, TSL, RR, and ACFan.

All characters are used with permission of their respective authors. Have a great Christmas and a very Happy New Year

Until next time…………DS

Editor's Note:

As Dark Star's editor, I made a decision. That decision was that I would not just go in here, and Willy Nilly, fix all the errors that might have found their way into the story. I loved it the first time I saw it, warts and all. I have made a decision, and Dark Star has agreed, that the only changes that we will make are those that might enhance the enjoyment of reading the story. There might be a gotcha or ten in it, now, that didn't appear in the original version, and a few technical changes, but we felt that it would be interesting to see how Dark Star's writing has evolved over time. Having said that, I must say that I kinda lied a little. There now are quite a few things added into the story that were not there when DS first wrote it. This story still brings tears to my eyes, It made me cry, and I already knew what was coming. I have read a lot of stories, and this is still one of my favorites.

I think it might be fun to see who will get the references. Please let us know. RR

Clan Short Archivist Notes:

Well I am glad I finally got to see this wonderful story published finally; and yes I did threaten Dark Star if he didn't publish it. This is a wonderful story thanks Dark Star. I wonder how many readers will get all of the hidden references in this story. Thanks for including my characters. But did you have to make 'Goos' famous again??????.

Til we fly again, TSL

 

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