Dear Diary

Dixon awoke slowly and tried to look around. Wherever he was, it was very bright and rather cold. He tried to figure out where he was by thinking about the last thing he remembered. Then he realized what his last conscious memories were.

He had been sitting on the couch snuggling with Jessie when there was a loud pounding on the door of the apartment. Dixon recognized his mother's voice. Before he could get to the door to open it, however, Mom had kicked it in.

"MOM!!! What is going on?" Dixon yelled at her.

"That's what I want to know, little pixie," the angry woman sneered. "I knew you were different. That's why I bought you that stupid diary that your teacher suggested. She said you needed to express yourself. Well, I guess you did that all right."

"What are you talking about?" Dixon asked her.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about," Mom snapped. "You disgust me, you little fairy. Oh, I'm sorry, you prefer Pixie don't you?"

Dixon looked around to see where Jessie was. His boyfriend was still sitting on the couch, but had drawn up into a fetal position and was crying. He kept mumbling something over and over, but Dixon couldn't understand it at first.

"All my fault," Jessie was saying. Dixon started to cry when he realized the pain his boyfriend was going through. He knew that Jessie was reliving that horrible night again.

"Mom you're scaring Jessie," Dixon announced more firmly than he felt.

"He should be scared," Mom told them. "I've called the police on that pervert brother of his. The child services people should be here any time to collect your little boyfriend and put him in a foster home or better yet, juvenile hall. I thought these people corrupted you when your teachers were telling me about the two of you. I went home though and started reading your diary. I knew puberty would turn you against me. Men all turn into such animals when their hormones get going. Boys are no different it seems. You will come home with me now. I don't want you here when they show up to take Jessie away. They might ask too many questions about why you were here alone with him. I don't want that kind of talk around town about my child. At least no more than it already is," she added.

"What'd you tell them people about Jason and Jessie?" Dixon demanded.

"Don't you take that tone with me," Mom warned. "I won't tolerate that attitude anymore than I will your lies."

"What lies? I ain't never lied to you," Dixon defended himself.

"You said so in your own words," Mom told him. "You deliberately kept things from me because you didn't want me to know them. You kept them secret because you knew they were evil and sinful thoughts you were having about other boys."

"You sound like some TV preacher," Dixon confronted her. "There is nothing wrong with who I am."

"Yes there is, but I will see that it gets fixed," Mom snapped. At this point she grabbed Dixon by the arm to pull him out of the house. "You are coming with me now."

"I don't want to leave Jessie like this," Dixon told her as he jerked his arm away. "He's been through enough. Why are you doing this to him? What did he do to you?"

"Nothing and he never will either," Mom sneered. "You'll never see him again. Now let's go."

"I won't leave Jessie," Dixon screamed at his mother. She suddenly slapped him hard across the face. Once she hit him the first time, it was as if something inside her snapped. She hit him again and again. When Dixon realized that he was actually in danger from her, he started fighting back. Jessie had jumped up to try to help Dixon, but Dixon's mom struck out at him as well. He was thrown backwards and fell against the plate glass of the patio door. The glass shattered behind him and he fell through, landing in a heap on the patio.

Dixon broke away from his Mom and tried to reach the phone to call for help. She snatched it out of his hands and threw it across the room. He ran from her toward the kitchen and the other phone. On the way he grabbed a knife hoping to defend himself with it. That only seemed to enrage his mother more.

"Trying to kill me now?" she screamed. "See there, you are evil."

The psychotic woman charged her son and the two of them began fighting for the knife. She soon had it wrestled away from him. She didn't toss it away, however. She held onto it and as he continued to try to fight to get away from her, she cut his arms repeatedly.

"Maybe if I cut those little balls off you'll go back to being the good little boy you were before you learned about hormones," she said maniacally. "Better yet, I'll just go ahead and turn you into a girl so it won't matter if you like boys. We'll get along so much better as mother and daughter." She held Dixon down and began to cut away his shorts. He screamed and fought as best he could, but she was too big and strong for him. He felt an incredibly sharp pain and blacked out.

Dixon looked around the hospital room. His arms were bandaged and he was strapped down to keep him from moving. When the nurse saw that he was awake, she walked over and without a word to him, shot a needle full of something into his IV. Within seconds, Dixon was falling back to sleep again.

The last thing he remembered before losing consciousness this time was a voice saying, "At least he isn't some big hulk of a thing; he's going to be a pretty girl."

Dear Dixie's Diary,

Hi, this is Jessie. I got this book by begging one of my dad's old friends from the police force for it. He said he could get in big trouble for it, but he promised Mom and Dad once that he would help Jason look out for me if he was ever needed.

I know I shouldn't have read any of the other entries, but they are my only connection to Dixie now. I couldn't believe it as I read some of this. He really does love me a lot. I knew that before, but now I know I know it. I hope that makes sense, it does to me anyway. Knowing how Dixie feels about me, and how I feel about him, that makes what has happened even harder to deal with.

I never believed that things could go any more wrong than the night Mom and Dad got killed. That was the worst night of my life, I thought. Today made that seem easy.

After our necessary kisses and cuddles when he got there this morning, Dixie and I decided to watch this really old movie called "LadyHawke". It has this cute guy named Mouse in it. He's not as cute as Dixie, but he's not bad. He's probably ancient now though. This movie was made like a really, really long time ago.

Anyway, we were snuggling on the couch when his mom showed up. She was going crazy. She was screaming at Dixie and scaring the crap out of me. She knew about us. I don't know how she found out, but she knew. I kind of lost it then.

I started crying and couldn't seem to stop. I don't know what all happened but she started hitting him. I mean she was beating him up bad. I had to help him. I dove at her, but she knocked me backwards so hard that I hit the plate glass sliding door behind me. I remember this loud crashing sound, and then I must have passed out for a second or two. The next thing I remember is hearing a lot of sirens. I looked around and saw a couple of my dad's old friends on the local police force heading toward me.

I told them to take care of Dixie first, and they assured me he was being helped. They checked me out and we figured out that I just had some scratches and scrapes. I saw a stretcher headed out the front door just then. I asked them what had happened to Dixon. They wouldn't tell me. They just said that I had to come with them. I asked them what was going on, and they told me that I had to go live somewhere else for a while.

I haven't been able to find out what happened to Dixon, and no one will tell me why I am being put in a foster home miles away from home. I saw a lot of blood in the kitchen before they dragged me out of the house. I am really scared for Dixon. I heard some of the adults in the Child Safety Office talking when they thought I couldn't hear. They all know about Jason and Philip now.

I don't like this place they've told me I have to live. The father is some sort of religious fanatic preacher. He said that he will get the devil out of me and will hide me from Satan's clutches. He scares me as bad as the man that killed Mom and Dad. He looks at me the same way that guy did. I think he should worry about the devil in himself before he tries to help anyone else.

I don't know what's going to happen to me or anyone else for that matter. I am really scared and I miss my brother and my boyfriend. I really like calling Dixie that. I hope he's ok. I just wish somebody would tell me something about what's going on. Until then, all I have is this book to remind me of my Dixie and how much he cares about me.

I don't think I am going to get much sleep tonight. I just heard someone try to open my bedroom door. I'm glad I locked it. Where's Jason when I need him? For that matter, where is Dixie? I need him too, but for different reasons, of course.

Not a very good night,
Jessie

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